The Golden Rule
Compassion and Well-Being
Reflection By Robbin Brent
In everything do to others as you would have them do to you.
- Matthew 7:12
Karen Armstrong included the Golden Rule found in Matthew in her compelling definition of compassion: “To put ourselves in somebody else’s shoes, to feel her pain as though it were our own, and to enter generously into his point of view. That is why compassion is aptly summed up in the Golden Rule, which asks us to look into our own hearts, discover what gives us pain, and then refuse, under any circumstance whatsoever, to inflict that pain on anybody else.”
Embedded in this definition of compassion and also in the Golden Rule is the wisdom, “we can’t give away what we don’t have.” Both point toward the importance of first knowing how we want to be treated, how we want to be loved. How can we accompany others compassionately if we don’t know that for ourselves? How can we treat others well if we don’t know what it is like to treat ourselves well?
We cannot extend compassion if we don’t first know self-compassion. If we don’t learn what causes us pain and then offering ourselves compassion, we will have a harder time recognizing suffering in another. We will find it challenging to respond with a desire to alleviate their pain if we haven’t first known that desire as a compassionate response toward our own pain.
A practice of self-compassion offers a foundation of stability and well- being that we can count on both in times of struggle and success. From that foundation we can begin to know—as Martha Bourlakas wrote so beautifully about in last Sunday’s reflection—that we, and others, are beloved children of God.
Making it Personal: What do you think of the connection between practicing self-compassion and our ability to offer compassion to another? Between self-compassion and well-being? Have you found that extending compassion toward yourself helped you to be more responsive to the needs of others?