Saying No—a Compassionate Choice
Compassion and Well-Being
Reflection By Jan Kwiatkowski
Self-care is a Divine Responsibility.
- Anonymous
We all have days when practicing compassion comes more effortlessly than on other days. The demands of practicing compassion can sometimes feel overwhelming because the needs in our world are so great. In these overwhelming moments, we bump up against discovering our human limits. We’ve been taught to give, not count the cost, and to be selfless rather than selfish. Yet if we continue to give at our own expense, we can exhaust ourselves and become resentful, numb, irritable, even depressed. John Pavlovitz describes this as feeling “really tired, marrow-deep, hope-sucking, soul-choking exhausted.”
Not only is it not possible to be selfless all the time, it isn’t good for our souls. We live within finite bodies and if we put the needs of others so thoroughly ahead of our own too much of the time, we can do injury to the body, mind, and spirit God gave us. Taking care of others at the expense of our own well-being can keep us from doing the work God calls us to do.
We can learn much from noticing the compassionate choice Jesus made— in the midst of his demanding ministry tending to the great needs in his world—to also take care of himself. Recognizing his dependence on God, we are told that Jesus would withdraw to private places because he needed to pause, pray, and reconnect with the Source of Compassion. He chose to say “no” to others for a short time so he could say “yes” again to living into the will of his Father. Maybe we need to reframe choosing self-care, not as selfishness, but as a humble recognition of our finite self, needing to pause, pray, and reconnect with our Source of Compassion.
Making it Personal: What is your initial response to this reflection? Have there been times when extending compassion to others becomes too much and you became resentful, numb, or soul-choking tired? Where and how are you being nudged to say “no” to others so that you might be more compassionate toward yourself?