The Wellness Compass Initiative is our partner community wellness initative that serves schools, counseling centers, nonprofits, universities, and other community wellness organizations. Each week Holly Hughes Stoner and Scott Stoner, who are both licensed marriage and family therapists, co- write a column for Wellness Compass and we are pleased to share it here on our Living Compass site. There is also a Wellness Compass podcast, where Scott and Holly elaborate on the topic of this column each week, at www.wellnesscompass.org/podcast. or in any podcast app (Apple, Google, Spotify, etc).
How’s the Family?-Back to School and Lifelong Learning
It’s back to school time, which for us means it's time to start a new season of our Wellness Compass Column and Wellness Compass Podcast. This school year, we will focus on family wellness, in a season we're calling "How's the Family?" We're calling it that because this is a question so commonly asked when any of us gather with friends and family. We want to know how Aunt Laura is doing, or how the grandkids are doing, or how someone's parents are doing, or countless other family members and relationships are doing. We ask this question because we all know that our family relationships are key to our overall wellbeing. In fact, there are few things that impact our wellbeing more than the state of our family relationships.
Together we will celebrate the joys and reflect deeply and honestly on the challenges of family wellness throughout all the stages of life. We will not just be focusing on families who have kids in the home, as one might expect. Instead, we will focus on all stages of family life and relationships and how they change over time. So no matter your age or stage in life, there will be something in each column and podcast episode that will be relevant to you.
The two of us know much about the importance of family for two reasons. First of all, we are both marriage and family therapists, and in our four decades of work we have had the honor and privilege to talk deeply with individuals, couples, and families about their deepest longings and their deepest difficulties on a regular basis. Second, and more importantly, our family relationships are the top priority in our lives, and we know firsthand the joys and challenges, as well as the lifelong learning opportunities, that family relationships provide.
Speaking of lifelong learning… kids went back to school this month. The goal of every student is to someday graduate—whether that's from grade school, middle school, high school, or beyond. There is, however, one school from which we never graduate, and that is the school of our families. Things change over our lifetime, of course, but in the school of family, we are all lifelong learners.
As lifelong learners in the school of family life, we sometimes are the ones sitting in the teacher's chair, and other times we are sitting in the student's chair. In fact, when we work with a family that is in conflict, we simply reframe it for them as a learning opportunity. We say something like, "You are clearly facing a challenge you have never faced before, and so it's not surprising that you feel stuck and frustrated. The key is not to stay there, but to commit to the necessary learning and growth it will take to solve this problem."
When we were in the thick of the parenting years with our three children, we often said to friends, "Some days we feel like we are raising our children, and other days, we feel like they are raising us." We were growing and learning right along with them. Maintaining a humble and open attitude to growth is key to healthy relationships. We never finish—we never graduate—growing and learning in the school of family.
We will close by asking you the question that is the title of our season this year: How's the Family? And more specifically, in the "school" of your family relationships, what learning opportunities are being presented right now? In what ways are you serving as a teacher, and in what ways are you learning as a student?
We welcome your feedback as well as your questions. If there is a particular question you have about family relationships that you would like us to address in a future column, please email it to us. (You can simply reply to this email, or you can email Holly at holly@WellnessCompass.org or Scott at Scott@WellnessCompass.org.)
If we share your question and our response to it, we will guarantee your anonymity and make sure that no personally identifying details are shared. There's a good chance that if you have a question about something happening in your family, many other readers of our column and listeners to our podcast have a very similar question.
Our column and podcast will appear every other week through next Memorial Day.
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