Compassion and Listening
Theme for the Week
Reflection By Scott Stoner
God is love. So the Spirit counsels us, guides us toward compassion in all the complex and varied circumstances of our lives.
- Jake Owensby
For this week’s theme, we will explore how our capacity to be compassionate is deeply connected with our ability to listen. We begin with the premise that compassion always starts with listening. In fact, a compassionate response is not possible without first listening.
The reflection for February 24 introduced this definition of compassion: “Compassion is sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.” To become conscious of another person’s distress, we must be willing to first deeply listen to them, attempting to understand what they are experiencing.
If we don’t first make an effort to deeply hear another person’s struggle, our response will often fall short of being compassionate and may not be at all comforting to the other person. Imagine, for example, that a friend is telling me they were just down-sized out of a job they loved and had been doing for a long time. They describe how upset they are and wonder if they will ever be able to find a job they love as much. If I am only half paying attention and not really taking in what this all means to them, I might offer a less-than-helpful response, such as, “Don’t worry, I’m sure you will find another job soon, given how strong the job market is right now.”
In this example, my response is not compassionate because I do not truly listen to nor honor the depth of grief my friend is expressing. In fact, rather than offering relief for my friend’s suffering, I might instead be adding to it as now they also feel unheard and alone.
Making it Personal: What are your initial thoughts about the connection between compassion and listening? Can you think of a time when someone shared their pain with you and you only half-listened? If so, did that affect your ability to respond with compassion?