Compassionate Listening
Compassion and Listening
Reflection By Scott Stoner
I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
- Maya Angelou
We all have had the experience of someone pretending to listen to us but whose mind is obviously elsewhere. A common example is when we are at a group gathering, and the person we are talking with is busy looking over our shoulder for whomever they want to talk to next. Or when we respond honestly when someone asks us how we are doing and they quickly change the subject because they don’t actually want to hear what might be unsettling to them. Neither of these experiences, as you might imagine, helps to make the speaker feel valued and connected.
On the other hand, most of us have likely had the experience of sharing something painful and having someone offer us the gift of their full attention, of being truly present to us. In those moments, the gift of their compassionate listening makes us feel valued and connected.
All of us know someone who could benefit from the gift of our deep listening to them right now. Perhaps they are going through a difficult time or are feeling alone. Maybe they are going through a big life transition and are feeling unsure. Perhaps they are excited about something, but nervous at the same time. As we focus this week on listening and compassion, I wonder how things might change if each of us could reach out to someone we know who could benefit from our listening and compassion.
When we offer the gift of compassionate listening to others, to paraphrase Maya Angelou, they may not remember anything we say or do, but they will always remember how they felt deeply seen, heard, and cared for.
Making it Personal: Can you think of a time when you felt someone’s compassion simply because they deeply listened to you? How did that make you feel? To whom might you offer the gift of being fully attentive and compassionately listening today?