Episode summary
Early in his career as a young Episcopal pastor and marriage and family therapist, Scott Stoner believed his job was to have the answers. When people brought him their struggles, he offered expert advice. Over his first decade of ministry and clinical work, he slowly learned a different response: “I don’t know, but I’m confident that if we hold space for this together, the path will become clear.”
In this episode, Scott explores why not knowing can be a deeper way of knowing. This is especially true in life’s complex seasons: a difficult diagnosis, a hard decision, grief, loss, or transition. He calls these times liminal space, the place between the “no longer” and the “not yet.” He also connects this wisdom to spiritual practice, therapy, worship, and how we companion one another. He closes with a lighter example: walking with fellow Milwaukee Brewers fans through the uncertainty of the World Series, one pitch at a time.
In this episode
Moving from “expert with answers” to “companion in the questions”
Liminal space: the territory between the no longer and the not yet
How prayer, meditation, therapy, spiritual direction, and worship all hold space for not knowing
What not knowing asks of us: presence, humility, curiosity, trust, compassion, and companioning
Beginner’s mind: “In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities; in the expert’s, few”
Loving the questions themselves
Responding to someone’s grief or worry by walking with them instead of giving advice
Baseball, community, and letting go of the outcome while enjoying the journey
A practice to try
Think of something in your life right now where you lack clarity. It might be a decision, a hurt, or someone you’re worried about. Instead of forcing an answer, practice not knowing. Ask yourself:
What helps me feel less anxious in this space? Prayer, centering prayer, meditation, journaling, walking, singing, dancing, yoga, tai chi?
What helps me take a breath and trust that “way will open” when it is time?
For conversation or journaling
When someone shares a struggle with you, what is your first instinct: to advise, or to accompany?
Where in your life are you in liminal space right now?
What might change if you met that uncertainty with curiosity instead of anxiety?
Blessings to you in your own time of not knowing, and go Brewers!
Resources
Living Compass app: free on iPhone and Android, or at app.livingcompass.org
Website: livingcompass.org
Our Living Compass app is a free mobile app in.phone's app store—search for Living Compass, or find the same content that is in the app online at https://app.livingcompass.org. Reach out if you want more guidance at scott@livingcompass.org.
Connect with Scott
Questions or reflections? Scott welcomes your emails at scott@livingcompass.org
Connect with Scott about this episode or your own journey with integrating spirituality and well-being at scott@livingcompass.org
The Living Compass mobile app with Guided Meditations, Courses, Self-Guided Retreats, and Contemplative Practices is available through any mobile app store (Apple or Google) or online at our web app--here are the links for each.
https://apps.apple.com/us/app/living-compass/id6738334257
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=org.livingcompass&hl=en
Living Compass is a nonprofit spirituality and wellness initiative helping tens of thousands of people walk toward greater wholeness through the integration of faith and well-being.
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