Practicing Essentialism

Practicing Essentialism

I am taking a long weekend and so am repeating a column I wrote three years ago at this same time of year. Hope you all of have a great weekend.     

      If you are a working person and are fortunate enough to have this Labor Day weekend off, you will probably enjoy the experience of doing less this three day weekend.  No doubt it is wonderful to do less over a long weekend, but the author of a new book says that real joy and real productivity is found by learning to do less on a daily, long-term basis.   

     Greg McKeown, the author of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less has written a thoughtful book for busy people.  The following questions from a promotional web page for this book, reveal the audience this book is written for.  
 
    Have you ever found yourself stretched too thin? 
    Do you simultaneously feel overworked and underutilized? 
    Are you often busy but not productive? 
    Do you feel like your time is constantly being hijacked by other
    people's agendas?
    
    This is not another book about organizing our time, our money, or our stuff.  It is instead a book about organizing our priorities, about deciding what in our life is essential.  According to McKewon, organizing our priorities requires us to focus our energy on determining what is most essential to us and doing only those things.  The following two lines from the book help make this point.
 

"Essentialism is not about how to get more things done; it's about how to get the right things done."
 

"Instead of making choices reactively, the Essentialist deliberately distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many, eliminates the nonessentials, and then removes obstacles so the essential things have clear, smooth passage."
 

      I don't know about you, but I am prone to saying "yes" to too many activities, making commitments and then finding it hard to do all of them well.  I have had a habit of doing this in both my professional and personal life, and so this book really spoke to me.  Since reading this book six months ago, I am delighted to report that I have been practicing essentialism and am getting much better at saying "yes" to the things that matter most in my life. I am also finding that I have renewed energy and am more fully present for the things I do commit to do.  

    McKeown does not talk directly about spirituality in his book "Essentialism" and yet I found this book to be spiritual through and through.  Clarifying one's most important values and priorities and then developing a disciplined set of life habits that reflect those most essential values and priorities is at the core of what it means to live a spiritual life.  

     Of course, the easiest part of reading any self-help book is just that, reading it.  The hard part always lies in the disciplined application of the important truths that the book contains.  I do appreciate the fact that the subtitle of McKeown's book is "The Disciplined Pursuit of Less."  He is well aware that reading his book will make little difference if it does not lead to disciplined action by its readers.  

    If your Labor Day weekend plans include plenty of time to rest, you will be happy to know that McKewon has a chapter in his book as well about the essential nature of rest.  And if your weekend plans include reading, I highly recommend this book.

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Understanding Liminal Space

Understanding Liminal Space 

       This time of year I get several phone calls from families that are experiencing distress due to impending transitions. While the details are different with each of these calls, the common theme has to do with the anxiety and excitement a child or teen is experiencing regarding an impending transition, whether it is moving away from home for the first time, going to a new school, or starting a new grade in school ."One moment my son/daughter is on top of the world, and the next they are in the depths of worry and despair. Are these mood swings normal?" I explain that what their son or daughter is experiencing is indeed normal and to be expected and that the reason this is so is that their son or daughter is currently in a liminal space. 

     The word liminal comes from the Latin word limens which means "limit or threshold." Author and theologian Richard Rohr defines the liminal space that is experienced when we go through a significant transition this way, "It is when you have left, or are about to leave, the tried and true, but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else. It is when you are between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer. If you are not trained in how to hold anxiety, how to live with ambiguity, how to entrust and wait, you will run...anything to flee this terrible cloud of unknowing." Ancient cultures referred to liminal space as a "crazy time," which seems to be exactly what the parents I spoke to on the phone this week were witnessing.

      All cultures have various rites of passage ceremonies to mark liminal transitions. For example, in addition to graduations, there are rites of passages throughout our lives for weddings, funerals, quinceañeras, and baby naming or baptism ceremonies. Liminal transitions also occur in many other ways that are not always marked by official ceremonies. Starting or leaving a job, moving, retirement, beginning or ending a relationship, or a significant change in one's health are all examples of liminal transitions.  

     There are two essential things that all people need when they find themselves in a liminal space: unconditional love and a supportive community. These two factors make all the difference in the midst of this vulnerable, "crazy" time. We are wise to remember, too, that when one member of a family is going through liminal time, chances are it is creating a similar experience for other members of the family. Young adults leaving home for the first time aren't the only ones in the family experiencing a mixture of excitement, anxiety, and loss.  

     If you and/or someone you love is going through a significant transition right keep in mind the quote at the top of this column: "Honor the space between no longer and not yet." You can do this by offering them, and/or yourself,  unconditional love that is calm and stable in the midst of the emotional instability that is a hallmark of liminal space.

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Giving the Soul Some R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Giving the Soul Some R-E-S-P-E-C-T 

     The soul is a mysterious thing. It is the basis of who we are and animates all that we do and all that we are. It is my belief that we don't have a soul, but that we are a soul. The soul is the essence of our being.  

    Sometimes we will say about someone, "Wow, he or she certainly has a lot of soul!" That does not literally mean that this person has more of a soul than someone else, but instead it is a way of saying that this person is fully in touch with their soul, and they are expressing it in their lives in a way that radiates out to all those around them. 

     Aretha Franklin, the Queen of Soul, passed away yesterday, and she fully personified everything I believe about having a lot of soul.  I don't think Aretha had more soul than anyone else, I just believe she was fully in touch with her soul and manifested it in a way that many of us can only hope for. 

   The soul is like a divine spark that is deep within each of us. Our spiritual life is about blowing on that spark so that it burns brighter and brighter as we live out our lives. If you pause and think for a moment about the people in your life who most inspire you, they are likely people whose inner sparks burn and shine brightly causing others to say, "Now there's a person with a lot of soul."

    There is a wisdom story that is told about a young man who visits a wise sage to find out what he should do with his life. The wise sage, a woman who has lived fully in touch with her soul for many years, responds, "What is it that makes you feel most alive? Whatever it is, do as much of that as you possibly can, because the world needs more people that are fully alive."

    We know what made the Queen of Soul feel most fully alive, her music. There's a wonderful benefit to being around people who themselves are fully alive-they make us feel more alive. Who can listen to Aretha sing and not feel a little more alive?

   We each have a unique divine spark in our souls. Most of us will not manifest that spark in the same way Aretha did, but all of us can manifest it in some way. As we celebrate the gift of her life, may we all be inspired to sing the unique songs of our own souls a little more boldly, and in the process give our souls the R-E-S-P-E-C-T they are due.

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The Voice of Our Inner GPS

The Voice of Our Inner GPS

 Summer is a time when many of us spend more time in our cars as we head out on road trips, vacations, trips to the beach, or even long drives just for the fun of it. If you are like me, you have come to rely on navigational software when you drive, especially when headed to an unfamiliar destination. I realized just the other day that there are some valuable life lessons to be learned from my directional assistance software.
 

     There are  always multiple routes available. When I enter a destination, my software always gives me at least three options from which I can choose. I have learned that sometimes the most interesting routes are the longest ones, taking me by sites I would easily miss on the more direct, faster route. Regarding whatever short or long-term destination we are seeking in our own lives, it's good to remember that there are always multiple ways of getting there and that often the less traveled routes are most rewarding.  
 

    Stay calm in the midst of stress. A few weeks ago I was driving in heavy traffic in the middle of a torrential rainstorm. It didn't matter how stressful the situation was, the voice of the woman who speaks to me through my software remained cool, calm, and collected. I would be wise to do the same when talking to myself or others in the midst of stressful times.  
 

   Be kind to yourself when you've made a wrong turn.  As I said, the voice of my directional assistance software is always calm. This especially impresses me when I make a series of wrong turns. I fully expect her to turn on me at some point with something like, "How many times do I have to tell you?" Again, I wish I could be so kind when I or others make wrong turns.
 

     Recalculating is always possible. Speaking of wrong turns, my software never gives up on me when I miss a turn. Instead, it just calmly lets me know that it is recalculating and then gives me new directions based on where I am  now located. Never once has my software said to me, "I have no idea how to help you now, and so I give up."
 

    Learn to celebrate small achievements. It's a small thing, but I love it when my software sounds a little chime when I arrive at my destination. It's as if she is giving me a high five and saying,"Way to go, you made it!" It's a little thing of course, but it's also a reminder to regularly celebrate small achievements, both for ourselves and others.
 

    So here's to a few more road trips before summer is over, and here's to the many directional assistance software programs that assist us in more ways than one.  

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The Wisdom of Trees and Other Wonders of Nature

The Wisdom of Trees and Other Wonders of Nature

In his 2005 book Last Child in the Woods, Author Richard Louv coined a phrase that has stayed with me since I first heard it. He writes that children are spending so much time indoors that he believes they are suffering from what he calls “Nature Deficit Disorder." There is plenty of data to back up Louv's claim that children are spending more time indoors. The American Pediatric Association recently reported that an average eight-year-old child in the United States spends eight hours a day in front of a screen (computer, mobile device, or television) and that the number increases to eleven hours a day for teens. Nature Deficit Disorder is not a medical diagnosis, but is a way to call attention to the fact that children are too often missing out on the whole-health (body, mind, and spirit) benefits of spending time outdoors.  

Nature Deficit Disorder is not only affecting children. It seems that this time of year that almost everyone, when given a chance, retreats to nature for renewal. As I view emails and Facebook posts from countless friends who are taking time off, I see that almost every one of my friends is choosing to spend a significant portion of their vacation time doing something outdoors, away from screens. They are going for walks, gardening, golfing, camping, kayaking, biking, hiking, fishing, spending time at the beach, going to summer camp, cherry picking, attending picnics, and enjoying countless other outside activities. We are intuitively aware of the restorative health benefits that come from spending time outdoors.

A friend of mine who is a grade school teacher loves to spend time in her garden, and when she is not in her garden, she is often biking, hiking, or kayaking. She is concerned about children experiencing Nature Deficit Disorder and when I recently visited her classroom I was not surprised to see that there were many nature-themed posters on the walls. Each of the posters contained a motivational quote to inspire the children to spend time outside. Not being able actually to hold class outside, she had found a way to bring the lessons of nature indoors. I remember one poster of a large oak tree in particular and I will close this week's column with the wisdom from this poster. The photo of the mature oak tree was stunning, and it drew me closer so that I could read the message that was the central focus of the poster. Here's what it said:  

Advice From a Tree
By Ilan Shamir

Stand Tall and Proud
Sink your roots deeply into the Earth
Reflect the light of a greater source
Think long term
Go out on a limb
Remember your place among all living beings
Embrace with joy the changing seasons
For each yields its own abundance
The Energy and Birth of Spring
The Growth and Contentment of Summer
The Wisdom to let go of leaves in the Fall
The Rest and Quiet Renewal of Winter
Feel the wind and the sun
And delight in their presence
Look up at the moon that shines down upon you
And the mystery of the stars at night.
Seek nourishment from the good things in life
Simple pleasures
Earth, fresh air, light
Be content with your natural beauty
Drink plenty of water
Let your limbs sway and dance in the breezes
Be flexible
Remember your roots
Enjoy the view!

I need to go now because I need to get away from my screen and get outside to see what essential lesson nature has to offer me today.

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