Fall Equinox

OK, here's a trick question. In what month does the summer equinox occur? If you guessed June, or any other month, then you were, in fact, tricked by the question. There is actually no such thing as a summer equinox.  There is a summer solstice, which of course does occur in June, but equinoxes only occur in spring or fall. In fact, this year's fall equinox occurred just this week on September 22nd. The easy way to remember that an equinox only occurs in the spring and fall (never in summer or winter) is to understand the etymology of the word equinox. The word comes from the combination of two Latin words that mean equal and night. Each year in both the third week of March and the third week of September there is a point at which there is an equal amount of light and darkness, equal amounts of day and night. From the time of the fall equinox through to the winter solstice the nights get longer and the days get shorter, a fact that is reversed between the time of the spring equinox and the summer solstice.

I love the season of fall and not just because I enjoy football, apple picking, the stunning colors of the changing leaves, the World Series, Halloween, and Thanksgiving. I also love fall because it is a time when I find myself turning inward, reflecting on the changing nature of life in general, and on my life in particular. The poet Bonaro Overstreet says that autumn is "a symphony of permanence and change." Turning inward to reflect on what has changed, or what is changing, also provides the opportunity for me to focus on that which is changeless, that which is permanent.

Fall is a time of transition. It's not just the trees that are transitioning here in the northern hemisphere, the geese and other wildlife are preparing for the impending winter months as well. The geese as well some other animals move great distances, making an external, literal transition of place. Trees and other animals, stay and make an internal transition as they shift their energy from external growth and creation to various expressions of internal protecting and stewarding.

I find that I too benefit from doing a similar kind of interior transitioning in the fall, as I both let go of what has been, and hold fast to what remains, learning to be appreciative of both. Another quote from Bonaro Overstreet comes to mind as I do this, "Autumn asks that we prepare for the future - that we be wise in the ways of garnering and keeping. But it also asks that we learn to let go-to acknowledge the beauty of sparseness."

Our lives indeed are comprised of equal parts light and shadow, a balance of day and night, an ongoing "symphony of permanence and change." As we begin the transition of this fall season, may we all be wise in the "ways of garnering and keeping" and also in the ways of letting go and discovering the "beauty of sparseness."

** Photo credit: The photo above was taken here in Wisconsin on this week's fall equinox by my daughter Lindsey at https://www.instagram.com/lindseyjenningsphotography/

Three Questions

You can just feel the rhythms of daily routines and habits changing this time of year, not just in the changing of the seasons, but in the changing rhythms of households with children who have started a new school year. Even if you don't have children in your household, you most likely know some child-a niece or nephew, a grandchild, neighbor, or a child of a friend-who is back in school.  Families everywhere are now adjusting to routines of more structured days and evenings. While there is the inevitable sense of loss over the ending of the free patterns of summer, one positive addition that many families rediscover this time of year is family dinner time. Even if it can only happen a few nights a week, time around the dinner table is precious and meaningful. This week, I read an article by a blogger, Meg Conley, who shared a simple way to enhance family dinner conversations. She suggests having each person at the table share their responses to three simple questions, which can be discussed as a family, with another adult, with friends, or simply in your own mind. If you keep a diary or a journal they are ideal prompts for some soulful reflection there, too.

The three questions are as follows.

How were you brave today?   I love this question because it is so strength-based. Asking people to highlight how they courageously faced a challenge is positive and hopeful. For adults, this could apply to anything from bravely facing an illness or loss, having a difficult conversation with someone who has hurt them or who spoke up upon hearing something offensive in their presence. For a young person it could mean talking to a teacher about someone who is bullying them or another child, or asking for help in understanding a difficult assignment. Life is full of difficulties at any age and it is inspiring to celebrate brave and courageous responses to life's challenges.

How were you kind today? This question reminds us that no matter what happens to us  on any given day, there are always countless opportunities for both children and adults to practice kindness. Extending kindness to others can be as simple as the way we interact with a clerk or server, or calling or visiting a friend in need. A middle school student could be kind by befriending a child who has been marginalized by the popular crowd at school. Come to think of it, this same expression of kindness could be practiced by adults as well in their own contexts.

How did you fail today? This last of the three questions normalizes the fact that, in spite of our best intentions, on any given day, we fail. Sometimes we try something that fails, sometimes we fail to do something (like being brave or kind) that we wished we had done. A high school student might share that they tried to give a talk in front of the class that day without notes and they became embarrassed when they lost their train of thought. Or an adult might share they didn't speak up that day when they wished they had, or missed a deadline at work. They might even acknowledge something that they failed at as a parent. This question normalizes the fact that none of us are perfect and that the mistakes any of us make are opportunities for learning.

So how would you answer these three questions right now? Whether you answer these questions by yourself, with friends, or family around the family dinner table, I believe you will be inspired and enriched by what is shared, and what you learn about yourself and others in the process.    

Protecting and Preserving That Which is Sacred

America’s National Park Service turned one hundred years old last month. To celebrate this, my wife and I  spent a week’s vacation in Voyageurs National Park, a park that extends for fifty-five miles along the Minnesota-Ontario border. The park, officially established in 1975, is named after the French Canadian (voyageur is French for traveler) fur traders who traveled the waters within the park using large canoes in the late 18th and early 19 th centuries.They trapped and transported beaver pelts through the waters of what is now the park to supply the growing fur market in Europe.

Voyageurs is the only national park that is accessible solely by water, as there are no roads in the park. There are over thirty lakes, some as long as twenty miles in length and nine hundred islands. Visitors enter the park by boat and for the first time in our lives we were visitors, spending a week on a small rental house boat. During our week away we motored more than fifty miles, tying up at a different beach site each night. We took along two kayaks as well which allowed for lots of quiet exploration. Perhaps the best part of being in the park is that there are no cell towers within or near the park and so we were totally “off the grid” for seven days. We were both surprised at how deeply satisfying it was to not view one electronic screen for a full week. We found instead, that campfires, the Northern Lights, meteor showers, board games, and long, uninterrupted conversations were good for our souls in ways that we had almost forgotten.

Speaking of being good for the soul, that’s how I think of our Nation al Park Service, and indeed all protected wilderness areas in our states and in our country. There is a spiritual hunger within us that seems to be only satisfied when we spend time outdoors, a fact the people who fought hard to create our National Park System understood well. John Muir, an early conservationist who worked tirelessly to start the National Park Service, described Yosemite National Park in California as “a temple far finer than any made by human hands.” The transcendent and diverse beauty found in parks such as Yosemite, Grand Canyon, Great Smokies, Denali, Glacier, Yellowstone, Grand Tetons, Bryce, Zion, Everglades, and Voyageurs—just to name a few—profoundly connect us with the spiritual source of all creation. These sacred places transport us out of our everyday worlds to places that are eternal and timeless.

Spending a week in Voyageurs National Park reminded me also of the fact that all that is sacred is a gift from the Creator and needs to be cherished. We are not the creators of the sacred; our role is rather to steward and protect that which is sacred. My wife and  I were  able to enjoy one particular national park because others worked diligently to preserve and protect that wilderness area.

voyageurs-national-park

The need to protect that which is sacred in life goes beyond the need to  protect and preserve natural wilderness sanctuaries. When we work  to honor and preserve the sacred sanctuaries of our friendships and our families, we are creating places for ourselves and others to experience the transcendent and spiritual aspects of life as well. I’ll close with one other important insight we relearned on our recent vacation. The enjoyment of the sacred sanctuaries of nature and of relationships is greatly enhanced by getting away from our electronic screens and devices and rediscovering what it feels like to be wholly present to the spiritual reality that is around, between, and within us when we take the time to truly notice

A Wholistic Approach to Success

All across America children are heading back to school.  There are always mixed feelings associated with this annual end of summer/beginning of fall rite of passage.  There is the excitement of a new school year—perhaps even a new school—and the excitement of reconnecting with friends.  There is all regret over losing the slower, unstructured rhythms of summer.  And then there is the one topic that almost all children and parents—and probably even a few teachers—are dreading, and that is the topic of homework. The debate over the escalation of homework, both the amount assigned and the appropriateness of homework for young children, has been increasing for some time.  Enter Mrs. Young into this debate.  Mrs. Young is a second grade teacher in Godley, Texas who shared the note pictured above with the parents of her students at a “Meet the Teacher” night last week.  One of the parents posted the note on Facebook and it has now been viewed by millions of people on line.

My wife, Holly, is now a marriage and family therapist and is the lead author of our Living Compass Teen and Parent resources.  Before doing this work though, she taught for many years in the classroom, in multiple grades ranging from kindergarten to high school.  She shared Mrs. Young’s note on her own Facebook page and asked for feedback from her friends around the country—many of whom are currently parents of school age children and teachers.  It’s safe to say that posting this note elicited more feedback than almost anything else she has ever posted.  All of it was supportive of Mrs. Young’s approach, yet not completely.  Several people argued for the importance of at least some meaningful homework, but stressed that the balance that Mrs. Young is seeking to create for students and families needs to be applauded.

In case you find it difficult to read the note pictured above, here is what Mrs. Young recommends that students and families do together to replace homework time.  “I ask that you spend your evenings doing things that are proven to correlate with student success. Eat dinner as a family, read together, play outside, and get your child to bed early.”  Note that she is still very concerned about the growth and development of her students.  She just happens to believe that there are other factors in addition to school work that contribute to a student’s success.

I happen to agree with the spirit of Mrs. Young’s holistic approach to success.  In fact, I think her recommendations are quite helpful for adults as well.  Who amongst us couldn’t benefit from spending more time connecting with family and friends, reading, playing outside, and getting plenty of sleep? That’s a nightly homework routine that I believe can help both kids and adults to succeed.

Olympic Villages

Our daughters began attending the University of Utah in Salt Lake City just a year and a half after the city had hosted the 2002 Olympic Winter Games.  The Olympic organizers had made an arrangement with the university  to build the Olympic Village to house the athletes right on the university’s campus. This was a win for both organizations as it was centrally located for the sporting events andfter the Olympics the network of buildings were converted into dormitories for  undergraduate students.  Our daughters lived in those buildings and to date that is my one and only experience of an Olympic Village.  While the athletes were long gone, there were countless photos of them eating in the dining hall, with one such shot containing all of their signatures. I love the Olympics and so have watched many hours of coverage over the last two weeks. I simply marvel at the diversity of athletic gifts that are represented in the athletes as they compete in events that could not be more different from one another. Just stop and think for a moment about the different skills needed to compete as a runner, a shot putter, a fencer, a gymnast on a balance beam, a swimmer, a volleyball player, a badminton player, a wrestler, a weight lifter, a diver, a shooter, a sailor, or a table tennis player.

In the midst of all the diversity of skill, there is one common trait I see in almost every athlete  who is interviewed right after they have competed.  Nearly every competitor first thanks their own Olympic village.  By that, I am not referring to the actual Olympic Village where they are staying in Rio, but the village of people who have supported them on their journey to Rio. Without those people giving their support they would  never have made it to the Olympics.  Included amongst those members of the athlete's personal Olympic village being thanked are any or all of the following: parents, family, coaches, team mates, clubs where they train, famous athletes who preceded them to whom they looked up to when they were young. And sometimes the village even includes, “All the people in my home country.”  Occasionally, there is a very emotional moment when an athlete thanks someone specific in their village who has passed away, but whose presence they feel as they compete.

There is a passage in the Bible that sounds very much like the Olympic athletes when they talk about their personal villages of support.  In the Letter to the Hebrews, found in the New Testament, the writer inspires people of faith to keep running the race that is set before them, no matter how challenging that race may be, and to remember that as they run their race to take courage in the fact that they are “surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses.” (Hebrews 12:1).  A great cloud of witnesses sounds a lot like a personal Olympic Village to me.

So it seems that no matter what kind of race we are running, whether an Olympic race, or just the day by day journey that constitutes life for the human race, our ability to persevere is a combination of individual effort and the cloud of witnesses that surround and support us.  I, for one, take great comfort in knowing and feeling that those witnesses, both living and those who have passed on, are with me every step of the way.