The Way You Look At Things

Earlier this year Chanie Gorkin, an 11th grader from Brooklyn, was asked to write a poem about her worst day ever as part of a school assignment. This creative seventeen-year-old fulfilled the assignment, but did so much more in the process. Her poem, found below, has gone viral and reached millions of people in the last six months. It reminds us that much of what we experience in our life depends on the attitude and perspective we bring to all that we encounter.

     Read this poem from top to bottom to get one perspective. Next, read it from bottom to top and you will get a completely different perspective. Then share it with others to help spread this young woman's positive attitude and gift of writing with others.

Today was the absolute worst day ever

And don't try to convince me that

There's something good in every day

Because, when you take a closer look,

This world is a pretty evil place.

Even if

Some goodness does shine through once in a while

Satisfaction and happiness don't last.

And it's not true that

It's all in the mind and heart

Because

True happiness can be obtained

Only if one's surroundings are good

It's not true that good exists

I'm sure you can agree that

The reality

Creates

My attitude

It's all beyond my control

And you'll never in a million years hear me say that

Today was a good day

Now read from bottom to top.

What is Hallowed For You?

I'm a bit of a nerd when it comes to words. I love to study their origins, their etymology, to more fully understand their meaning. A word that will be on many people's minds this weekend is Halloween and in case you don't know, it has a fascinating origin. All Saints Day, which is celebrated on November 1, was originally known as All Hallows Day and is an annual celebration of the saints who have gone on before us and whose lives are worthy of admiration and emulation. The evening before All Hallows Day became known as All Hallows Eve and over time All Hallows Eve morphed into our modern name for this day, Halloween.

     To continue my nerdish interest in words, I must note that I love the word hallow even though it is not a word that currently gets much use.   Exceptions are when someone talks about the "hallowed halls"of a particular institution, most often a university or school, or when someone talks about sacred ground, such a cemetery or battlefield. Of course, if a person says the Lord's Prayer on a regular basis then he or she is using the word hallowed as they pray the phrase "hallowed be your name." When people pray the words of the Lord's Prayer they are saying that they believe God's name to be holy, sacred, or hallowed.

   The word hallowed, from which our word Halloween is derived, means holy or sacred. When we refer to something as hallowed we are saying that it has special, often spiritual, significance for us. So with all the attention to Halloween this week, perhaps it is a good time to pause and reflect on just what we celebrate as hallowed or holy in our lives.

   In our Living Compass programs we invite people to pause and reflect on what is most important in their lives. We remind them that there are many compasses that are competing to guide our lives, including the compasses of our popular culture, the values of our families of origin, of our friends, our work, and our spirituality. To make our spirituality or our values our primary compass means to identify what we believe to be most holy, most hallowed, and then to align the decisions we make in our lives with those values and beliefs.

   If we say that our faith, other people, or nature are holy to us, then we want to live our lives in a way that is integrated with these beliefs. To do otherwise will, over time, foster a sense of dis-ease and dis-integration. However, when the core decisions in our lives do align with our core beliefs and values, we will experience a greater sense of joy, meaning, and satisfaction. It's as easy as that, and as hard as that.

   So lest this discussion of Halloween and the meaning of hallowed get too serious, just know that I will be happily answering the door and handing out candy to the trick-or-treaters this Saturday. Why? Because while I can't necessarily say I believe candy corn and chocolate bars are holy, I can say without a doubt that having fun with others, especially children, is one of the holiest, most hallowed activities I know.

Happy Halloween!

Of Good "Stuff" and Slumps

 If you are a baseball fan, you are no doubt watching more games than usual as the playoffs are in full swing and the World Series will start soon. Even if you are not a baseball fan, please keep reading because this week's column is about so much more than just baseball.

     As with any pastime, baseball has a vocabulary that is all its own. If you watch a game you are likely to hear discussion about whether a pitcher has good "stuff" on any particular occasion.   Good "stuff" means that the pitcher has an intangible combination of good movement, good location, and good sequencing. If you continue watching a game you will at some point hear discussion of a batter who is experiencing a bad "slump." This means that the batter is not seeing and hitting the ball well and that his batting average over the last several days or weeks is far below what it has been for the season. Pitchers are delighted to have good "stuff" and batters dread finding themselves in a slump.

   What causes a pitcher to have great stuff and what causes a batter to be in a slump? If I knew the answers to these questions I would probably be managing a team in the World Series as these are the very questions players and coaches at every level of baseball are constantly trying to figure out. The truth is no one knows for sure and that is what makes baseball so fascinating.

   Why is it that some days you and I are really "on" at work? Why are some meetings really productive and the time flies by, and other meetings go nowhere and seem to last forever? Why is that some vacations are magical and others don't seem to work out so well? Why is it that sometimes when we go out for dinner with a friend or loved one the conversation really flows and we leave feeling inspired and uplifted, and other times we go out for dinner with that same person and the conversation is flat and our overall experience is uninspiring?

   It seems that in life, as in baseball,  our experiences are a mixture of good "stuff"and slumps. Sometimes we are "on" and everything is flowing and other times we are out of rhythm and nothing quite seems to be working. No one knows for sure what causes good "stuff" and slumps to happen when it comes to baseball, and I suppose that is true for life as well. I do, however, have a sense of what some of the factors are that influence the likelihood of us experiencing good "stuff" in our lives and I'd like to briefly touch on those in the remainder of this column.

1. The first factor that helps us have good "stuff" is being fully present. The opposite of being pressent is being distracted, being physically present, yet being somewhere else emotionally or spiritually. We can tell instantly when someone is really present to us and when she or he is distracted and only half listening to us. It might be more challenging, but equally important, to detect when we are the ones not being fully present to others.

2. A second factor that helps us have good "stuff"is preparation. If we show up for a meeting of any kind (work, family, or community) late and unfocused regarding what the gathering is to be about, there is not much chance that good "stuff"will happen.

3. Energy is another factor that influences good "stuff"happening. The energy we bring to an interaction in large part determines the outcome. Showing up tired and hoping to gain energy from an interaction is very different from showing up rested and looking to give energy to the interaction.

4. Finally, attitude makes a big difference in whether we will experience a slump or whether our "stuff"will be flowing well. To paraphrase Henry Ford, whether we think a meeting, conversation, or family gathering will go well, or whether we think it won't, we will usually be right.

   Note that these factors influence how our interactions will go and will guarantee or  control the outcomes of our various interactions with others.  They are factors that maximize the chances of more good "stuff' and less slumps happening, whether in baseball or in life. When slumps to occur though, experienced players continue to show up, keeping their focus, preparing well, bringing positive energy, and maintaining a positive attitude, knowing that doing so will help them get through a slump more quickly so that good "stuff" will happen again soon.

Connecting With The Source

I went apple picking with several members of our family last weekend and while doing so was reminded of a very important lesson.  It was a perfect fall day in Wisconsin with the bright shining sun, making the brilliant leaves of red and orange seem like they might burst into flames at any moment.  This made the drive through the country to Door Creek Orchard even more spectacular. As it turned out we were late in the season and were actually at the orchard on the last day that people could pick their own apples.  This meant we had to walk deep into the orchard to find the trees that still had apples on them, pulling our youngest apple picker in a bright yellow wagon provided by the orchard.  This was hardly something we minded given the beauty of the day.

We ended up picking twenty pounds of apples, mostly Jonagolds, Golden Delicious, and Honey Crisps.  It is Door Creek Orchard's tradition to encourage pickers to sample the apples as they go, and so we enjoyed a number of apples freshly picked from the trees during the hour we were in the orchard climbing, exploring, and picking.  We noticed as we wandered in the orchard that we were surrounded by a beautiful diversity of people, with folks of every age and background, all helping each other along the way.

All week long I have enjoyed the apples we picked.  They have been a staple for lunch each day and my wife and I turned several pounds into some wonderful applesauce.  I love apples and eat them on a regular basis, but there has been something special about eating these apples we picked ourselves.  I don't think that what has made these apples particularly special to me is just that they are so fresh.  I think what makes them so special is the intangible enjoyment that comes from the fact that we picked these apples by hand, right from the tree.  I know exactly where these apples came from and I connected with their source, the very trees and soil from which they came.  Because of this, I have treated these apples with a particular respect and reverence.

All of this serves as a powerful reminder to me as I consider my interactions with others.  In the rush of everyday life I sometimes fail to treat others with the respect that they are due.  When I slow down though and am mindful enough to remember the Source from which each person has come, I find that I treat others very differently.  When I remember the Source that has given life to each person, I am more apt to treat him or her with a certain reverence, one that honors each person's unique way of being in the world.

Each of the apples we picked at the orchard was unique in size, shape, and taste, and yet they all came from the same source.  So it is with the people in our lives.  Each is unique and yet each comes from the same Source.  I name that Source as God.  Others name that Source as nature, or the universe, or the divine.  However we name that Source, remembering to connect with it when we interact with all that it gives life to, whether that be apples or people, will heighten our ability to savor the unique gift that each of them is to the world.

Whoa!

A special word has caught my attention over the last few weeks. I’ve been hearing the word whoa a great deal recently, and am also noticing how often I say it myself.  I was with a group of people recently, for example, where a woman was describing the work she does as a tutor in an after school youth program.  As she talked about how necessary the work is and how moved she is by doing it, I noticed that several of us responded by saying, “Whoa, that is really powerful!” Recently I attended my young grandson’s birthday party where exclamations of “whoa” were everywhere.  Young children are easily awed by the smallest of things, whether it be a birthday cake, the gift of a new toy, a beautiful bird in a nearby tree, or the delight of being pulled around in a wagon.  And when young children express their awe and delight, they don’t just say it with their voice, they proclaim it with their whole body, their whole face lights up as they shout, “Whoaaaaaaaaa!”

If you look up the definition of the word whoa you will find that the first meaning is “a command to get an animal (commonly a horse) to stop or slow down.”  The second definition you will find  is “a greeting, to express surprise or interest.”  I would like to invite us to combine these two and think of “whoa” as what we feel or say when we take the time to stop or slow down enough to truly experience the moments of delight and awe that are all around us.  Think of small children who stop in their tracks to look at a caterpillar, full of excitement and wonder, an experience that we adults might easily miss.

It’s all too easy to get caught up in all the very real stresses and strains in our lives.  Life an be difficult and we all face many challenges in our relationships, our work, and our everyday lives.  At the same time, though, life is full of spiritual moments that transcend our struggles and these tiny miracles in our midst remind us of what is most important in life.  There are “whoa moments” in our lives each day and while we can’t necessarily create these moments, we can slow down enough to make sure we notice and appreciate them when they occur.

The next time a friend or family member tells you about a small victory in his or her life, be sure to slow down and truly listen so they know they are being heard.  Or the next time someone shares a challenge they have overcome, a new insight they have made, or a story of how they are making a difference in the world, pause long enough to truly honor and celebrate what they have shared.  When you do this, don’t be surprised if your response includes the word whoa.

What are the “whoa moments” in your life right now?  Are you slowing down long enough to notice and celebrate these moments?  If you are having a difficulty noticing these moments, I highly suggest spending some time with some two and three year olds.  I guarantee they will not only help you to better see, but to also give voice to, the “whoa moments” that are all around you.