The 44th season of the children's show Sesame Street began this past week. This award winning show has long been a favorite of both young children and their parents. Just thinking about Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Snuffy, Abby, Rosita, Oscar, and Bert and Ernie will most likely bring back a flood of memories associated with watching this delightful show at some time over the last four decades.One of the factors that has kept Sesame Street relevant for so many years is that the show is always evolving to both include and address changes in the culture. Last week this season's premier revealed a new emphasis that expresses a desire to respond to what early childhood educators say is a growing problem with young children, that of children struggling with impulse control and self-regulation. So which favorite muppet do you think the creators of Sesame Street chose to teach children about the importance of learning to delay gratification? None other than.... Cookie Monster! Cookie Monster is, of course, well known for his insatiable desire to consume cookies any chance he gets. Up until now, he has hardly been an example of how to delay gratification. This 44th season of Sesame Street, though, reveals a change in Cookie Monster. He has reformed his ways, and has a new motto to help him teach children about impulse control and self-regulation: “Me Want It, But Me Wait!” For this new television season, the creators of Sesame Street have also launched a series of movie parody videos that also teach the lessons of impulse control and self-regulation. The goal of these videos is to draw in the parents too, so that they can model and reinforce the importance of learning to delay gratification. The creators of Sesame Street seem to know that when it comes to creating heathy habits, parents are their children's primary teachers. Parents most effectively teach the lessons of self-regulation and impulse control to their children by modeling those traits and habits in their own lives. (You can view one of these fun videos here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PnbKL3wuH4#t=51 ) “Me Want It, But Me Wait” is a great motto for all of us--not just for Cookie Monster and the viewers of Sesame Street. No matter what the “it” is we want, learning to delay gratification is the key to wellness in all areas of our lives. Or to look at this from another point of view, the cause of most breakdowns in physical, emotional, spiritual, and relational wellness is the inability to delay gratification. Wellness in all areas of our life is directly related to self-regulation and impulse control. Relationships get off track when people impulsively react to each other out of hurt or anger. Our physical wellness suffers if we simply eat every “cookie” that comes our way. Our spiritual wellness suffers if we approach spirituality with a “consumer” mentality, seeking to only be entertained and filled up. Wellness requires discipline and the forming of habits and practices that bear fruit over a longer period of time. It doesn't happen quickly! It's worth noting here that some 2000 years ago Paul, a primary writer of the New Testament, in a letter to the people of Galatia wrote, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22,23). Wise people even then seemed to understand this important connection between self-control and creating a good life.
Filling Each Other's Backpacks
Living Compass was in Kansas City, Missouri this past weekend presenting at a program sponsored by the Episcopal Diocese of Western MIssouri. The program was hosted by a local Episcopal church, the Church of the Good Shepherd Church. It is a wonderful church with a lively sense of the Spirit, a clear commitment to youth and adult education, and a strong commitment to outreach. One of the expressions of their commitment to outreach is their Backpack Shepherd program. The program is as powerful as it is simple. Each week parishioners shop for and pack food staples into 100 children's backpacks. Each Friday the backpacks go to children in area public schools who have been chosen by the school's guidance counselors. The children take the backpacks filled with food home to their families to help make sure that they and their families don't go hungry over the weekend. On Monday, the children bring the backpacks back to school and the church members pick them up and restock them for the following Friday. The volunteers who work so hard to make this ministry happen week after week never meet the children or families who receive the backpacks full of food. They do get many thank you notes from the families, but it was clear from my conversations with several of the volunteers that their greatest reward in doing this work is simply the joy and satisfaction that comes from addressing the hunger needs of a 100 children and their families.
I learned about the Backpack Shepherd program shortly before I was to give my presentation about how churches can best offer wellness programs to their members and to the larger community. I decided to start my talk by raising up the Backpack Shepherd program as a great example of one particular kind of wellness program, and then I asked the people this question, “In addition to those in your community who are physically hungry, what other hungers do you sense in the people in your community?” Participants offered their answer out loud in front of the whole group and offered responses addressing multiple areas of wellness, including spiritual, emotional, vocational, relational, and intellectual wellness. Here are the top responses:
- Friendship
- Connection
- Compassion
- Community
- Purpose
- Direction
- Sabbath Time--people are going exhausted from their busyness
- Fun
- Relaxation
From this list of responses, I would say that the people of Kanas City are no different from the people in all our communities. When our children were little, I would often grab them and give them a huge bear hug. I would hold them and tell them how much I love them. When they were old enough to comment on what I was doing, I told them that I was, “filling up their love tank.” I explained that just as a car needs gas in its tank to run, each of us needs love in our tank to run. This was great fun for all of us!. In line with reflecting about the great work of the Backpack Shepherd ministry, I could say I was filling my children's “backpacks”--not with physical food, but with emotional and spiritual food. And of course my own backpack was getting filled at the same time.
We all know someone who's backpack needs filling right now. Maybe they need a hug from us, or a word of encouragement. Maybe they need a phone call from us, or a prayer. Maybe they need a visit from us, or a hand written note. Maybe they need us to offer to babysit, or to run an errand. Maybe they need an invitation to join our group, or just a listening ear. And just maybe, we need some these things ourselves.
In healthy relationships, healthy families, healthy workplaces, healthy organizations, and healthy congregations, people are filling each other's backpacks all of the time, while at the same time they are are giving what we all hunger for most: friendship, purpose, connection, fun, and community.
So thank you to the Backpack Shepherd ministry at the Church of the Good Shepherd in Kansas City for reminding us of the many simple, but powerful ways we can make a difference in each other's lives.
Who's Your Teacher?
Over the last two weeks, all across the country, students have returned to school. Feelings of excitement mixed with a tinge of stress are ubiquitous for both children and their families as rhythms of summer are replaced by the rhythms of the school year. One question that is especially on the mind of every younger child as he or she begins school is, "Who's my teacher going to be this year?" Parents, along with their children, are hoping that their children get the teacher they desire. For most of the readers of this column, it's probably been a few years since you have started a new school year. However, I invite you to think of the question, "Who's Your Teacher?" as it applies to you in your adult life.
We may not be in school any more, but we are learning our whole lives. Life is our classroom and the potential lessons are limitless. As you reflect on your own life right now, who are you learning from? What teacher or teachers are you seeking to learn from? What lessons are you wanting to learn from this teacher or teachers? There is an old saying that when the student is ready, the teacher will arise. What in life are your ready to learn right now? Who will you learn it from?
In this classroom called life we are all students and we are all teachers. We are all lifelong learners. We turn to our friends, family members, mentors, colleagues, pastors, rabbis, coaches, therapists, and others to be our teachers. And along the way, others turn to us to be their teachers as well.
We often turn to someone to be our teacher who has more experience in what it is we need to learn. This is often someone who has already been where we are going. A parent turns to other parents, especially those with more experience, to learn from their wisdom. A person struggling with a cancer diagnosis turns to other cancer survivors to learn from their life experience. A person wanting to deepen their spiritual life turns to their faith leader and members of their faith community to learn from and be inspired by their faith journeys. A person starting out in their career turns to a respected leader in their field. A singer hires a voice teacher and joins a choir. A person wanting to start exercising takes a fitness class or joins a fitness club. A reader joins a book group.
When we were school children we did not have a great deal of say about who our teacher was. As adults though, we get to choose who our teachers will be. Choosing our teachers is very important. And just as important is being humble enough to acknowledge that there is always more for us to learn. To be a lifelong learner is to relish the fact that our awareness and consciousness is always expanding.
So who are your teachers right now? As you think about who your teachers are right now, also think about whether you are looking for an additional teacher or perhaps an additional learning community at this point in your life. If so, this time of year is a great time to make a change.
And so to all the students out there, both young learners and lifelong learners, "Happy back to school!"
What 100,000 Harley Riders Know
I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and we who live in Milwaukee will have the distinct pleasure of being visited by 100,000 Harley riders this weekend. The Harley-Davidson Motorcycle Company, founded in Milwaukee in 1903, has invited riders from all around the world to town to celebrate the 110th anniversary of the company's founding. Countless activities, parades, and concerts will occur in multiple locations throughout this exciting holiday weekend in Milwaukee. Two seemingly conflicting desires come together in this Harley celebration and they intrigue me. The image of a Harley rider, on one hand, is that of an outlaw, a loner, and a free and independent spirit. These riders are rugged individuals who march to their own drum. My father, a Harley rider throughout his life, until the age of 82 actually, fit the image of the independent Harley rider perfectly. He loved to put his leather coat and chaps on and hit the open road all by himself.
In contrast to the desire to be free and independent, there is another desire being expressed in the Harley reunion this weekend. For the 100,000 riders gathering in Milwaukee this weekend, there is also a strong desire for community. These free and independent spirits long to be connected with others just like them. For three days they will gather with people who ride bikes like theirs and who wear clothes like theirs. They will take great delight in making new friends and being a part of a community of other free spirits just like them.
In the end Harley riders are just like just like the rest of us. We all have a desire to be separate and unique, and we all have a desire to be connected and included. These two desires exist within us, throughout our entire lives. These two desires are perhaps most visible in adolescents, when we see teens dressing in a way that both separates them from their parents and bonds them with their peers. Today's teens, just as we did when were their age, are all working hard to be different while at the same time all looking just alike.
When I work with people in spiritual direction or counseling, I find that they often express that they are struggling to balance the need to be both independent of others yet at the same time connected. Some report that they feel that they are maybe too independent , as they are lacking the connection they desire with friends, family, their faith community, and the wider community. Others report a high level of connectedness with friends, family, and community, but feel they are lacking in their individuality. When we find ourselves out of balance as far as these two desires are concerned, it is wise to tend to the less developed side of ourselves.
Great spiritual leaders are examples of how being unique and being part of a group can exist together. Jesus, Moses, Buddha, Martin Luther King, Mohammed, Gandhi, and Mother Theresa were some of the most unique individuals that ever lived. They stood out and are remembered for saying things and living in a way that was totally different from the dominant cultures in which they lived. At the same time, they were deeply connected to and were the leaders of communities. Both their independent thinking as well as their connection to others were essential parts of their identity.
In memory of my father, and in honor of the 100,000 Harley riders who will roar together through the streets of Milwaukee this weekend, I give thanks for the reminder to the rest of us to be a free and independent spirit, and to be connected to a strong community for support and fun. Apparently we are born to be wild and we are born to be connected!
Heartbreak Hotel
It just so happens that I am in Memphis, Tennessee today. I am here for a meeting with the leaders of CREDO, a well-known and outstanding wellness initiative that serves clergy and other leaders of the Episcopal Church. We are having some great conversations about possible areas of collaboration for Living Compass and CREDO.What an incredible coincidence that I am here in Memphis on this day--August 16th--of all days. What are the odds of that happening? You do know what the connection is between Memphis and August 16th is, don't you? Well, just in case you don't, it was thirty-six years ago today on August 16, 1977 that Elvis Presley died here in Memphis at his Graceland home. This week in Memphis concludes the annual Elvis celebration and I was delighted to see many Elvis impersonators last night as I walked up and down Beale Street. When it comes to wellness, Elvis is a reminder that there is always a fine line between thriving and declining. Creating and maintaining wellness over a life time takes commitment and perseverance. We can learn a great deal from the life and death of Elvis Presley, about what to do and what not to do. One positive lesson I take from a person like Elvis is the inspiration to be unique, to be different, to be yourself. Oscar Wilde quipped, “Be yourself; as everyone else is already taken.” Elvis lived this truth. No one has shaken their hips and caused such a stir the way Elvis did-- in public no less! His gyrations were scandalous in his day, to the point that when he appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show the cameras only showed him from the waist up. All of this turned him into a world famous star and to this day he holds the record for most top singles on the Billboard Record Chart. Additionally, Elvis also went on to star in thirty-one movies that were equally successful. There are of course lessons from Elvis's life about how not to live your life as well. In our Living Compass wellness program we draw the analogy that human beings are like trees. Like a tree, if a person wants to create growth “above ground” they will also need to create new growth in their emotional and spiritual root system “below ground.” Anytime we go through a significant change or growth in our lives, we need to nurture our root system to sustain that growth. It would appear to me that Elvis did not have the emotional and spiritual root system to support the incredible changes and successes that became his life. A new parent is going to have to grow deeper emotional and spiritual roots to be able to support him or herself in this new role. A person leaving home for the first time will need to do the same. A person who takes on a new leadership role with more responsibility will as well. Any significant change in our lives will require a deeper emotional and spiritual root system to support that change. If there is not a healthy root system the person, like a tree, is vulnerable to toppling over. Many of you are familiar with the Biblical parable that talks about seeds that were planted in shallow soil. The plant grew up very quickly, but because it had no depth of soil it, withered quickly and toppled over. Elvis died a lonely death thirty-six years ago today and that saddens me and I imagine millions more who were his beloved fans are saddened as well. I give thanks for his creativity and his daring to be his own person, while at the same time I grieve the tragic way in which his life toppled in the end. In memory and in honor of Elvis and of all the fun and excitement he brought into the world maybe we should all promise ourselves to do the work necessary to develop healthy root systems in our lives in what ever way works for us. In that way, his death can be a source of new life for those of us who so much enjoyed his energy.