All Because Someone Took The Time To Notice

In last week's column I wrote about my how my nephew and his two year old son recently spent several hours together in their back yard creating a pirate ship out of a large cardboard box.  The intention of the column was to both remind us about the importance of creating time in our lives for play as well as to remind us that play does not have to involve expensive toys.  Sometimes amazing things can happen with just a few cardboard boxes.One of the readers of this column wrote to me about another story that involved a child creating something amazing out of cardboard and I want to share this story with you this week.  The child in this story is a little bit older, in fact he will turn eleven this week.  His name is Caine Monroy and he is the founder of Caine's Arcade, an arcade built entirely out of cardboard. Two summers ago Caine found himself a bit bored sitting around his dad's used auto part store located in the industrial part of East Los Angeles.  Caine's dad, George Monroy, is a single parent and because it was summer and school was out he needed to bring Caine to work with him everyday.  One day while at his dad's store, Caine helped pass the time by making an arcade game our of cardboard.  He continued to create other games and then when he felt he had enough to create an arcade he put a sign up saying that he was open for business.  Caine hoped that customers would purchase four plays for a dollar, or they could purchase a Fun Pass which allowed them five hundred plays for two dollars.  Caine bought special tickets that customers could win and then redeem for prizes.  The first prizes were some of Caine's very own Hot Wheels cars.  Caine opened the arcade with great expectations.  The problem was months passed and nobody came to play!  Caine did not give up hope. One day a man by the name of Nirvan Mullick came to the store to buy a replacement door handle for his car.  He saw Caine's Arcade and stayed to play, not realizing that he was Caine's one and only customer. He purchased a Fun Pass and played for quite a while, getting to know Caine in the process and became amazed by Caine's creativity.   It turns out that Mullick is an independent film maker and because he was so impressed with Caine's ingenuity and perseverance, he decided he wanted to help Caine out.

  Through Facebook, Mullick organized hundreds of his friends to come to the Arcade one Sunday afternoon to surprise Caine.  He had arranged to have George, Caine's dad, take Caine out for lunch and when they returned hundreds of people were there!  Everyone bought Fun Passes and Mullick filmed the events of the day.  He eventually created a short video telling the story of Caine's Arcade.  Needless to say, Caine and his dad were thrilled.  You can view the short video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faIFNkdq96U.  It is well worth a few minutes of your time.  The video went viral and has now  been viewed over seven million times.  That would have been wonderful enough, but there is more to the story! Mullick, along with Caine and his dad, used the international attention they were receiving to create the Imagination Foundation.  The purpose of the foundation is to inspire creativity and entrepreneurship in children all around the world.  Mullick, wanting to make sure that Caine would have a chance to go to college someday, also created a college scholarship fund hoped to raise $25,000.  Going beyond his wildest dreams, the contributions to that fund currently stand at $236,000.  In addition, Caine was recently the youngest speaker to ever address the USC Marshall School of Business,  he has met President Obama, and was also invited to be part of a TED talk by Chelsea Clinton.  Recently he returned from a speaking engagement at the Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity in France and had some thoughts about what he has learned through his amazing business experience.  All of this because an adult noticed a kid who had worked hard and wanted that child to feel successful! Now that Caine has become somewhat of a celebrity many people are wondering what he has learned form the experience. When he was to offer some tips on what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur, he wrote this list called.

5 Lessons  for Entrepreneurs: What Did Caine Learn--In His Own Words

1. Be nice to customers.
2. Do a business that is fun.
3. Do not give up. (Caine circled and underlined this one three times)
4. Start with what you have.
5. Use recycled stuff

Great advice from a soon to be eleven year old that applies, not just to vocational wellness, but to all dimensions of wellness.

Be nice.  Have fun.  Don't give up.  You already have what you need.  Everything can be put to good use.  I guess that pretty much sums it up. Thanks to our reader who let me know about this inspiring story.  Feel free to share it with others.

A Boatload of Playfulness

Most of us have witnessed something like the following at some point.  An expensive present is bought for a young child.  The present comes in a large box.  The child opens the present and plays with the present for a few minutes, but then ends up playing with the box that contained the present for the next few hours. What might we learn from this scenario?  One thing is that children know a great deal about the simplicity and fun of unstructured, spontaneous play.  It's we adults who seem to think that play needs to involve expensive toys or expensive vacations.  When a child chooses the cardboard box over the expensive toy it contained, maybe they are reminding us that the spirit of play is something that truly comes from within.

In our Living Compass Wellness program one of the eight areas we discuss and invite people to assess for themselves is "Rest and Play."  When people complete the Living Compass Self-Assessment, Rest and Play is frequently the area of wellness that most people say they want to pay more attention to.  It seems that many people are feeling overworked and stressed and are yearning for the re-creation that comes from creating some true rest and play in their lives.

According to Plato, "You can discover more about a person in an hour of playing than in a year of conversation." Plato must have believed that the soul, the essence of a person, gets expressed best in play.  Perhaps this is because in order to really play you have to be "all in."  You cannot fake a spirit of playfulness--either you have it or you don't.  I know for myself that the first warning sign that I am stressed and out of balance is that I lose my sense of humor, in other words, I lose my sense of playfulness.

Summer is probably the season we most associate with play.  Kids are out of school and many people take a vacation this time of year.  To inspire you to rediscover the simple joy of play, I have shared the photo at the top of this column.  Here's the story that goes with that photo.

Earlier this summer my nephew Andy and his son Drew (the two and half year old in the photo) built this pirate ship out of an old box.  When Andy related the story to me he said that they spent an entire afternoon creating the pirate ship and then playing pirates together in their new creation.  The cost for this amazing experience?  Nothing.  The benefits from this experience?  Priceless.  Andy and Drew did more than just create a pirate ship on that summer afternoon.  They also strengthened their already amazing relationship, rekindled their imaginations, and created wonderful memories.

There is still time for each of us to carve out some time for simple play this summer and in the process create some wonderful memories.  For a pirate there is no greater delight than to unearth buried treasure.  I am grateful for our pirate friends, Andy and Drew, for reminding us how something as simple as playing with a cardboard box all afternoon can unearth a few treasures buried within our hearts and souls as well --treasures of joy, spontaneity, laughter, and love.

Because Every Baby Is Royal

There are two young children who received a great deal of media attention this week.  The first, of course, is the baby now known as His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge, the son born to Prince William and his wife Kate this week in England.  Needless to say, the media coverage of Prince George's arrival was extensive, including many websites that featured around the clock live video coverage of the front door of the hospital where Prince George was born.  In addition to Prince George, there was second child that received a great deal of media attention this week.   His name is Patrick and he lives in Texas. Patrick is two years old and suffers from Leukemia.  Patrick's prognosis is good, but his treatments have caused him to lose all of his hair.  To express his love and his solidarity with his son, his father Jon decided to shave his head.  Many of Jon's work colleagues, also decided to do the same.  It just so happens that Jon and his colleagues all have rather interesting jobs.  They are all part of what is known as the “protective detail” for former President George Herbert Walker Bush.

When President Bush, now 89 years old, learned of Patrick's illness and saw that Patrick's father and his colleagues had all shaved their heads, he decided to do the same.  The photo above captures the delight that Bush seems to be feeling in his act of compassion and support (even if Patrick doesn't quite seem to notice).  President Bush and his wife, Barbara, are no doubt feeling a special connection with Patrick and his family, given that their daughter Pauline died from Leukemia at the age of 4 in 1953.

In honor of all the attention on the royal baby this week, I invite us all to pause and remember that, in fact, every baby, every child is royal.  Every child is equal in the eyes of the Creator, which means that no child is more special than any other.  Patrick is no more or less important than Prince George.  Every baby born this week, no matter what the situations or circumstances are, is royal.

It's probably safe to say that none of us will ever have a personal relationship with a child born to royalty in England.  Many of us though, know a child, like Patrick, who could benefit from a little extra attention and support.   As with President Bush, it might be the child of someone with whom we work--or it might also be a child in our neighborhood, a child we know from church, a child in our extended family, or a child we know through our volunteer work with an organization that serves children. My hope is that the picture of President Bush with Patrick might inspire each of us to look around in our corner of the world to find a child for whom we can do something special.  Doing something special for a child know will most likely require sacrificing our hair,  but it might require a sacrifice of our time, money, or energy.  Judging by the look on President Bush's face, we may find that in the efforts we make to assist a child that we actually reap as much as we sow.  Perhaps, most important of all, our acts of love and service to the children in our lives will show the world that we believe that every child deserves the royal treatment.

Practicing Curiosity

Regular readers of this column know that it touches on all aspects of wellness --emotional, spiritual, physical, relational, vocational, and intellectual. In this column wellness is the filter through which I observe and reflect on the world around us. And so it is through this filter that I reflect this time on the topic of racism in the light of the verdict regarding the death of Trayvon Martin. I cannot say with certitude exactly in what ways racial biases were a factor the night that George Zimmerman killed Trayvon Martin nor if it was with out a doubt a factor in the verdict that was reached regarding Zimmerman. It is hard for me to imagine, however, that racial bias was not a factor in what happened, simply because racial bias--often unconscious-- is so prevalent in ourselves and in our culture. What I can say from a wellness perspective is that when racism is present in any of us it is an indication of a low degree of spiritual, emotional, and intellectual wellness. Racial biases, like all biases, do not come from a place of strength or wellness.

Earlier this week I attended a national wellness conference and greatly enjoyed one of the break-out workshops that focused on the connection between humor and wellness. I will probably write more about this workshop in another column as it was so full of wisdom, but for now I want to share one particularly important insight. The leader talked about the many positive benefits of humor, i.e. how it helps us to manage our fears (think of all the jokes about growing older), and how it helps bring us together around common experiences ("It's been so hot this week in our part of the country, that......."). This kind of humor enhances wellness as it brings us together and helps us feel that we all in the situation together.

Our leader also pointed out though that humor can also tear down or diminish wellness when it is used as a weapon. Using humor as a weapon is the genesis of every joke that makes fun of and puts down a person or group of persons based on race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, disability, or any other category. This kind of humor is rooted in insecurity and a lack of wellness, just like the kind of racial and other biases I mentioned earlier. This kind of humor is an attempt build up one's self or one's group at the expense of putting down another.

So what can we learn from all this? If we are committed to healing our biases toward people who are in any way different from us, and if we are committed to healing our own fears and insecurities that lead to our biases, is there something specific we can do differently? There are probably many things we can do, but one specific thing I would like to hold up for us--and I include myself in this as well--is to be more intentional about being curious.

When you have the opportunity to meet someone who is different from you, try practicing curiosity, working to get to know them. Curiosity is how we learn and grow. Whereas biases and prejudices are constrictive and cut off growth, curiosity is expansive. How many times have you had the experience of having your initial opinion or judgement of a person be completely transformed once you get to know that person more fully? Being curious enough about the new person to listen to their story is what makes that transformation possible.

It's worth noting that word curiosity comes from the same root as the words cure and care. To be curious is to care enough to get to know someone for who they really are. Think for a moment how wonderfully caring it feels when someone is curious enough to take the time to really get to know you and who you really are.

In closing, I would like to offer one other way in which practicing curiosity can help bring about cure. In light of the attention surrounding the Martin/Zimmerman case, I hope we will all take some time to be more curious about our own biases and prejudices-- racial and otherwise. High level wellness requires intentional, on-going self-reflection and along with a willingness to confess to ourselves ways in which we are not as well as we would like to be. This is why I believe that if we are willing to practice curiosity on a regular basis, we have a chance to create small steps toward a twofold cure. Not only do we create the opportunity to move one step closer to curing the prejudices and biases that haunt our society, but we also have the opportunity to move one step closer to curing the prejudices and biases that haunt our own hearts and souls.

The Ministry of Presence on a Bicycle at Twenty Miles Per Hour

As a priest and psychotherapist I often have the honor to be a part of a person's healing process.  Walking with someone as they heal from a loss or trauma is a sacred privilege.  This process of walking with someone as they work through a loss has been best described as a “ministry of presence.”  This ministry of presence is not just something offered by priests and therapists, but is something we all offer our friends and loved ones when we are present to them as they are going through a difficult time.  Last week I had the honor of being the recipient of the ministry of presence in a most surprising way.I spent last week riding my bike through Vermont, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, and a small part of New York  for seven days.  Thankfully, I was accompanied by twenty-one other riders, most of whom I had never met before.  This trip is an annual adventure for this group of Episcopalians, and my wife and I were fortunate to be invited to tag along.  Loving to ride I saw this chance to ride 385 miles with a group of avid cyclists as a dream come true.  I was right.  This turned out to be one of the best experiences I've ever had in my life.  Little did I know though that this ride would also remind me of one of the toughest experiences I ever had in my life.

The tough experience I am referring to is when I was hit by a car while riding my bike seven years ago.   It took me quite a while to physically recover so that I could get back on my bike comfortably.   I soon discovered though that while I could ride again physically, I was psychologically not able to ride if there were too many cars around as I would experience anxiety any time a car came near me.  In order to avoid the  memories and fears associated with my accident, I have ridden primarily  on bike paths and remote country roads since then, intentionally avoiding roads with much regular car traffic. I don't know what I was thinking when I signed up for this bike trip.  Did I really think I would be able to ride for seven days, through four states and never have to ride near cars?  From the very first day, there were several times each day when we were riding surrounded by plenty of cars.  Physically, I was in decent shape and felt strong for the trip.  Emotionally, though, I felt vulnerable when cars came near me, flashing back to memories of my accident. It was during those times, when I was most vulnerable, that I was able to experience the ministry of presence offered to me by my fellow bike riders.  I made sure that whenever cars were around that  that I was surrounded by other cyclists.  Their presence calmed my anxiety and helped me to feel safe, allowing me to ride through my fears and arrive safely at my destination at the end of each day.  And then, each night as we talked about what we experienced out on the road that day, I was able to talk through my fears with everyone and share with them how very much their presence meant to me.  I am eternally grateful now for my fellow riders and for the healing that took place for me last week.  That healing could not have happened without them. All of us know someone who is in a vulnerable place  because they have experienced some kind of  hurt or loss.  And all of us are that person at times.  People often ask me what they can do for someone they know who is hurting.  I always say the same thing, “Just be present to them.  Stay close to them.  Don't worry about what to say or do, just focus on being present and in time, healing will happen.”  As I learned last week, healing always happens best in the context of community, in the context of someone being present to us. Extending the ministry of presence to another needs to be as unique as the person being cared for.  It can be as simple as cooking a meal, making a visit, writing a note, making a phone call, cutting someone's lawn, running an errand or simply letting someone know that you are praying for them.  And... now I know that the ministry of presence can also be as simple as riding your bike with someone at twenty miles an hour on a busy road in Vermont.