Make Someone Smile

 
Make Someone Smile
 

Make Someone Smile 

     My wife and I received a forwarded email today that made us smile.

     Here is the backstory on the email.  Our grandsons attend a Montessori school, and the teacher of our almost five-year-old grandson sent his parents an email outlining in great detail how actively he had been engaged in a project at school that day. Without going into all the details, it was quite a complex project that he and a friend were working on, one that required quite a bit of focus and concentration. The teacher was so pleased with what she had observed that she took the time to describe what happened in an email, and sent it to our son and daughter-in-law. They then shared the teacher's correspondence with us, which is what caused our faces to shine with delight earlier today.

    And there were more happy faces to come. As excited grandparents we, of course, shared the story of our grandson's activities with a few others throughout the day. And they smiled, too.

    I am not proud of the fact that I am sometimes far too quick to spread news that is negative.  I know how easy it is to do. So I needed the reminder that arrived in a forwarded email this morning, that it is just as easy to spread positivity as it is negativity. It only took our grandson's teacher a few minutes to write the original email, and our daughter-in-law, less time than that, to pass it on.

   How might you share positivity with others today? 

   Be the reason someone smiles today.


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Storm Predictions and Preparation

 
Storm Predictions and Preparation
 

Storm Predictions and Preparation

     Our nation's attention has been gripped by the predictions surrounding Hurricane Florence this week. As I write this column on Thursday afternoon the storm has not yet made landfall and forecasts as to its intensity, and exact path are still shifting. My heart goes out to the millions of people being affected by this storm. 

     Whenever a major storm occurs, it is common to hear people complain after the event that predictions of the storm were inaccurate.  When the storm's intensity and exact location turns out to be different from what was forecast people find themselves wondering how the experts could have been wrong in their predictions.  I imagine that some of the questions are merely a product of the general stress that people often feel when a storm has disrupted their lives, others because we would like to think we humans can figure everything out. It seems that the weather forecasters are as good as any other target for people to direct their frustrations.

     What I find amusing about people being upset with storm forecasters is that severe storms by their nature are far outside the range of normal conditions. They are therefore inherently difficult to predict.  Behaving in ways that are unpredictable are what make storms, well....storms.  It seems clear that even with all our best technology, nature has a mind of its own.  The benefit of most storm forecasts is not that they are perfect in forecasting the exact details of what will occur, but that they give us a warning. They are meant to provide us with a general warning, so we have time to get prepared for extreme and unsafe conditions.  

     Just this week I, too, found myself in the role of a storm forecaster, and so maybe that is why I am feeling some empathy for those who make their living forecasting the weather.  A colleague was describing a significant change through which she was leading her organization, and together we agreed that storms were on the horizon as this change began, emotional storms related to changing the status quo.  I also had a conversation with a young couple who is about to have their first baby. We talked about the joy and excitement they felt. I thought it was important to remind the new parents as well that there would probably be some storms ahead as this significant change in their current sense of "normal" was sure to feel disruptive and chaotic at times.  As in weather predictions, it is never possible to predict the exact details of the emotional storms that usually accompany significant change, including how severe the storms will be, how much disruption they will cause, and how long they may last.

     Planning to retire?  I predict there will be a storm ahead.  Starting or ending a relationship?  A chance of storms is clearly predicted.  Moving? Starting or leaving a job? A child leaving for a place of their own? A new child in the family? A new initiative at work? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then storms are likely to occur.  

     And as any storm forecaster will tell you, it is essential to be prepared. Some of the wisest advice for preparing is what we heard this week regarding Hurricane Florence-don't minimize the seriousness of what is ahead, don't try to be a hero and go it alone, and know that are many people and organizations that you can turn to for support to help you recover. And if the storm is life-threatening, you may need to evacuate.

    My prayers go out to all whose lives are currently being impacted by any kind of storm. And this week, I especially pray for those who are being affected by Hurricane Florence, along with the first responders and emergency personnel who will be leading the recovery efforts in the weeks and months ahead.  


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Who Are Your Teachers?

 
Who Are Your Teachers?
 

Who Are Your Teachers?

      All across the country students have returned to school. Feelings of excitement mixed with a tinge of stress are ubiquitous for both children and their families, as the rhythms of summer are replaced by the rhythms of the school year. One question that is on the mind of every student, no matter their age, is "Who's my teacher going to be this year?"

     For most of the readers of this column, it's probably been a few years since you have started a new school year, but I would still like to invite you to think about this question, "Who are your teachers?" We may not be in school anymore, but we remain learners our whole lives. Life is our classroom, and the potential lessons are limitless. As you reflect on your own life right now, who are you learning from? What teacher or teachers are you seeking to learn from? What lessons do you want to learn from this teacher or teachers? There is an old saying that when the student is ready, the teacher will arise. What in life are your ready to learn right now? Who will you learn it from? 

     In this classroom called life, we are all students, and we are all teachers as we are all lifelong learners. We turn to our friends, family members, mentors, colleagues, pastors, rabbis, coaches, therapists, and others to be our teachers. And along the way, others turn to us to be their teachers as well. 

     We often turn to someone to be our teacher who has more experience in what it is we need to learn. This is frequently someone who has already been where we are going. A parent turns to other parents, especially those with more experience, to learn from their wisdom. A person struggling with a cancer diagnosis turns to other cancer survivors to learn from their life experience. A person wanting to deepen their spiritual life turns to their faith leader and members of their faith community to learn from and be inspired by their faith journeys. A person starting out in their career turns to a respected leader in their field. A singer turns to a voice teacher and joins a choir. A person wanting to start exercising takes a fitness class or joins a fitness club. A reader joins a book group. 

     When we were school children, we did not have a great deal to say about who our teachers were. As adults though, we get to choose who our teachers will be, knowing that there is always more for us to learn. To be a lifelong learner is to relish the fact that our awareness and consciousness is continually expanding. 

     So who are your teachers right now? As you think about who your teachers are right now, also think about whether you are looking for an additional teacher or perhaps an additional learning community at this point in your life. If so, this time of year is a great time to make a change.

     One of my primary teachers continues to be the author and theologian Richard Rohr. His writing has nourished and enriched my spiritual life for many years. His quote above is one small sample of his wisdom and is also a reminder that even life's toughest challenges can teach us valuable lessons. 

     And so to all the students out there, both young learners and lifelong learners, "Happy back to school!"


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Practicing Essentialism

 
Practicing Essentialism
 

Practicing Essentialism

I am taking a long weekend and so am repeating a column I wrote three years ago at this same time of year. Hope you all of have a great weekend.     

      If you are a working person and are fortunate enough to have this Labor Day weekend off, you will probably enjoy the experience of doing less this three day weekend.  No doubt it is wonderful to do less over a long weekend, but the author of a new book says that real joy and real productivity is found by learning to do less on a daily, long-term basis.   

     Greg McKeown, the author of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less has written a thoughtful book for busy people.  The following questions from a promotional web page for this book, reveal the audience this book is written for.  
 
    Have you ever found yourself stretched too thin? 
    Do you simultaneously feel overworked and underutilized? 
    Are you often busy but not productive? 
    Do you feel like your time is constantly being hijacked by other
    people's agendas?
    
    This is not another book about organizing our time, our money, or our stuff.  It is instead a book about organizing our priorities, about deciding what in our life is essential.  According to McKewon, organizing our priorities requires us to focus our energy on determining what is most essential to us and doing only those things.  The following two lines from the book help make this point.
 

"Essentialism is not about how to get more things done; it's about how to get the right things done."
 

"Instead of making choices reactively, the Essentialist deliberately distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many, eliminates the nonessentials, and then removes obstacles so the essential things have clear, smooth passage."
 

      I don't know about you, but I am prone to saying "yes" to too many activities, making commitments and then finding it hard to do all of them well.  I have had a habit of doing this in both my professional and personal life, and so this book really spoke to me.  Since reading this book six months ago, I am delighted to report that I have been practicing essentialism and am getting much better at saying "yes" to the things that matter most in my life. I am also finding that I have renewed energy and am more fully present for the things I do commit to do.  

    McKeown does not talk directly about spirituality in his book "Essentialism" and yet I found this book to be spiritual through and through.  Clarifying one's most important values and priorities and then developing a disciplined set of life habits that reflect those most essential values and priorities is at the core of what it means to live a spiritual life.  

     Of course, the easiest part of reading any self-help book is just that, reading it.  The hard part always lies in the disciplined application of the important truths that the book contains.  I do appreciate the fact that the subtitle of McKeown's book is "The Disciplined Pursuit of Less."  He is well aware that reading his book will make little difference if it does not lead to disciplined action by its readers.  

    If your Labor Day weekend plans include plenty of time to rest, you will be happy to know that McKewon has a chapter in his book as well about the essential nature of rest.  And if your weekend plans include reading, I highly recommend this book.


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Understanding Liminal Space

 
Understanding Liminal Space
 

Understanding Liminal Space 

       This time of year I get several phone calls from families that are experiencing distress due to impending transitions. While the details are different with each of these calls, the common theme has to do with the anxiety and excitement a child or teen is experiencing regarding an impending transition, whether it is moving away from home for the first time, going to a new school, or starting a new grade in school ."One moment my son/daughter is on top of the world, and the next they are in the depths of worry and despair. Are these mood swings normal?" I explain that what their son or daughter is experiencing is indeed normal and to be expected and that the reason this is so is that their son or daughter is currently in a liminal space. 

     The word liminal comes from the Latin word limens which means "limit or threshold." Author and theologian Richard Rohr defines the liminal space that is experienced when we go through a significant transition this way, "It is when you have left, or are about to leave, the tried and true, but have not yet been able to replace it with anything else. It is when you are between your old comfort zone and any possible new answer. If you are not trained in how to hold anxiety, how to live with ambiguity, how to entrust and wait, you will run...anything to flee this terrible cloud of unknowing." Ancient cultures referred to liminal space as a "crazy time," which seems to be exactly what the parents I spoke to on the phone this week were witnessing.

      All cultures have various rites of passage ceremonies to mark liminal transitions. For example, in addition to graduations, there are rites of passages throughout our lives for weddings, funerals, quinceañeras, and baby naming or baptism ceremonies. Liminal transitions also occur in many other ways that are not always marked by official ceremonies. Starting or leaving a job, moving, retirement, beginning or ending a relationship, or a significant change in one's health are all examples of liminal transitions.  

     There are two essential things that all people need when they find themselves in a liminal space: unconditional love and a supportive community. These two factors make all the difference in the midst of this vulnerable, "crazy" time. We are wise to remember, too, that when one member of a family is going through liminal time, chances are it is creating a similar experience for other members of the family. Young adults leaving home for the first time aren't the only ones in the family experiencing a mixture of excitement, anxiety, and loss.  

     If you and/or someone you love is going through a significant transition right keep in mind the quote at the top of this column: "Honor the space between no longer and not yet." You can do this by offering them, and/or yourself,  unconditional love that is calm and stable in the midst of the emotional instability that is a hallmark of liminal space.


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