The Forgiveness Challenge

Eighteen years ago I had the honor of spending several hours with a personal hero of mine.  This person, one of the people I admire most in my life, is author, Anglican Bishop, and Nobel Peace Prize winner Desmond Tutu.  I will never forget those three hours; they still seem to me like they just happened yesterday.  Bishop Tutu was in town to lead a worship service and speak at a reception and I was invited to be part of a small group of clergy group that participated in the service.  I was fortunate to spend a fair amount of time with Bishop Tutu as part of a small group preparing for the service. What I remember most was his graceful presence and his sense of humor. He put us all at ease, making us all feel as though we were with a dear friend, someone we had known for years.  There was not an ounce of self-importance or pride in this man.  He spent a considerable amount of time thanking us for our prayers in support of the work he was doing in South Africa to end apartheid.  He also spoke with us that day about how the greatest challenge that he and others were facing in the aftermath of apartheid was learning how to practice and extend forgiveness to the people that caused him and countless others unspeakable hurt and humiliation.

Now, eighteen years later, Desmond Tutu is again talking about the challenge of forgiveness.  In fact, Bishop Tutu and his daughter the Rev. Mpho Tutu are inviting all of us to sign up and join them for a 30-day "Forgiveness Challenge” that begins on May 4, 2014.  Anyone signing up for the Forgiveness Challenge, will receive daily emails for thirty days.  These emails will include exercises to teach us how to forgive, plus inspiring stories and interviews with people who have been transformed through the act of forgiving or through being forgiven.  Individuals will also receive excerpts from the Tutu's new book, "The Book of Forgiving: The Fourfold Path for Healing Ourselves and Our World."

The title of this book rings true for me when it talks about forgiveness as a path to healing ourselves and our world.  In my work with our Living Compass wellness program, the topic of forgiveness comes up quite often.  Some people talk about needing to forgive another who has hurt them, while others talk about needing to make amends and seek forgiveness from someone they have hurt.  In both instances, people are seeking healing by seeking to receive or to offer forgiveness.  Forgiveness is on their minds and they know they need to offer or receive it as a step in moving forward toward greater health and wholeness.

Is there someone in your life that you need to forgive?  Is there someone from whom you need to seek forgiveness?  The forgiveness you need to seek or need to offer, might be related to something that just happened yesterday, a month ago, or many years, even decades, ago.  No matter how recent, or how big an issue involved, Desmond Tutu is right to remind us that forgiveness is a challenge.  It is a challenge that takes commitment, perseverance, patience, humility, and a deep spirituality.

I've signed up for the “Forgiveness Challenge.”  I hope you will, too.  You can do so by going to forgivenesschallenge.com    Together, let's do our part in healing ourselves and the world.

Supporting Each Other in the Marathons of Life

Twice during the past week I have had tears in my eyes as I watched a runner cross the finish line of a marathon.  Monday I watched Meb Keflezighi win the Boston Marathon, the first American male to do so since 1983 and at 39, the oldest runner to do so since 1931.  The odds of him winning Boston were clearly against him, and yet he found a way to pull away from the other favorites to win the race.  Here is what was posted on his Facebook page the day after the race, the same day he received a congratulatory phone call from President Obama: Keflezighi's win was entirely unexpected. Turning 39 next month, his best days seemed to be in his past, especially given the Kenyan stronghold on the race. Since 1991, a runner from Kenya has won the men's race 19 times. Throughout the race he kept thinking, "Boston Strong, Boston Strong, Meb Strong, Meb Strong." The strains of Aerosmith's Dream On, the tribute version, also ran through his head. As the frontrunner throughout the race, Keflezighi was cheered by massive crowds from Hopkinton to Boylston Street.  "You got this, Meb," they shouted. "U-S-A," they chanted.  Keflezighi, wearing a red and white top and blue shorts, gave them a thumbs up or a fist pump in return. "I just used their energy," he said. "I take so much pride in being an American."

In several post-race interviews I heard Keflezighi talk about how much the fan support meant to him as he was straining to hold off his challengers in the final miles of the race.  The cheering fans carried him along as he continued to run sub-five minute miles right until the very end.

My other experience of tearing up as I watched a marathoner cross the finish line happened two days prior to the Boston Marathon, when I had the delight of watching my wife, Holly, complete her first marathon in Salt Lake City.  Four months earlier her longest run had been 13.1 miles and now here she was approaching her 60th birthday, and completing the 26.2 miles of a marathon.  Our family was together for this exciting event, all cheering Holly on to her great accomplishment.  While there was no call from President Obama the next day, her accomplishment was just as inspiring to all of us as if she had won the Boston Marathon.

A marathon is not just a running race.  A marathon  is ultimately all about the human race, about the indomitable power and perseverance of the human spirit.  Each of us, in our own way, is most likely running some kind of marathon in our own lives--perhaps even several marathons.  It might be a marathon of hard work, parenting, caring for a loved one, working for peace and justice, recovering from an addiction, or some kind of loss or setback.  Life itself is its own kind of marathon.  In all of these non-running marathons, there are not beginners and experts, there are simply souls who inspire to do the best they can, to give it all they have, and to keep moving forward by putting one foot in front of the other.

Both Keflezighi and my wife, Holly, both repeatedly have talked of how important it was to have people cheering them on. The energy and support of others truly pulled them across the finish line. Do you know someone who is running some kind of a marathon right now, someone who could use some fan support?  Go ahead and make some noise for them.  Make a sign that proclaims your support.  Ring a cow bell when they are near or find some other way to express your encouragement. Thank them for inspiring your spirit to keep running the most important and inspiring race of all, the human race.

The Ground Begins to Soften

For those of us who celebrate Easter in the northern hemisphere, we are blessed to have abundant symbols of resurrection and rebirth all around us as we celebrate this most joyous holy day.  We are blessed to enjoy the new buds on the trees, the return of robins and other birds that have been south for the winter, the lengthening of the days, and the overall warming temperatures.  For me, though, there is one sign in nature that is the most meaningful indicator of new life this time of year, one that is probably easy to overlook...the ground beginning to soften. First the snow melts, and then gradually the ground that has been frozen and covered all winter begins to thaw and soften. One thing I love about the ground beginning to soften is that I am able to move my morning runs off the concrete sidewalks and onto the soft earth, which provides welcome cushioning to my aging joints.  Softening ground is wet ground this time of year and I love the squishing sound that my shoes make with every step I take. The softer ground also means that soccer and baseball games will soon be played again and that those with green thumbs will soon be digging in their gardens.  The softer earth gives rise to so many wonderful stirrings of new life.

As we celebrate Easter today, we are not just a celebrating something that happened    almost 2000 years ago; we are also celebrating the truth that God continues to make things new, that God continues to bring life out of death.  The image of the ground beginning to soften is a vivid metaphor of what it feels like when God is doing a new thing in our lives.

I know this feeling in my own life and I see it  in my work as a priest and a therapist.   People usually come to see me because life has become hard for them.  Literally.  They come in with hearts, minds, souls and even bodies that have become hardened and rigid.  They come alone or they come with their loved one or they bring their whole family because everyone has become hardened to each other.  This hardness is usually the result of frozen sadness or hurt, or unresolved conflict or grief and the hardness has built up over a long period of time.

Why have they come?  Because deep down, they don't want to be hard-hearted, hard-minded, or hard-spirited, towards themselves or towards the people they love most.  Deep down, a small, still voice longs for something different.  And because they are willing to listen to this longing, slowly, imperceptibly at first, a miracle begins to happen.  The ground begins to soften.  The softening heart/mind/soul, just like the softening earth, soon gives rise to all kinds of miraculous new life.  People forgive each other and they forgive themselves.  People who haven't done so for a long time touch and hug again.  There is laughter where once there was criticism and hurt.  There is joy where there once was shame and guilt.  Grief gradually loosens it's grip. There is freedom where there once was bondage.  There is life where there once was death.  Resurrection happens.

We at Living Compass wish all of you a Happy Easter.   May your hearts and souls be softened today by the presence of the One who continues to bring life out of death.

Holy Is As Holy Does

In a few days Christians around the world will begin the observance of Holy Week. Holy Week is the week preceding the celebration of Easter and is marked by a range of sacred traditions and celebrations. Holy Week begins with Palm Sunday, continues with Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday, and concludes with celebrations of the Easter Vigil and Easter Sunday. Throughout history, throughout the world, and across the many expressions of Christian faith, there are countless variations of how Holy Week is enacted, but the one common theme of all Holy Week celebrations is that they are characterized by a wide variety of dramatic actions. Palms are blessed. Processions occur around the church, and sometimes around the neighborhood, with some even including a live donkey. The Gospel is proclaimed or sung with many joining in to portray different voices in the stories being read. Feet are washed. Bread is broken. Some of the faithful stay awake for all night prayer vigils. Hymns are sung. Flowers are arranged. Fires are lit. Trumpets are blown. Resurrection is proclaimed.

So what exactly makes Holy Week holy? There are no doubt many responses to this question, but for me the one essential ingredient to what makes Holy Week holy is the intentional and deep joining together of beliefs and actions. Holy is not just about what what we believe, but how our beliefs become expressed in our actions. Holy is as holy does.

We can ask the same question about all aspects of our lives. What makes our work holy? What makes our relationships holy? What makes our caring for our community and our world holy? What makes our very lives holy? My answer to these questions would be similar to what I shared regarding Holy Week. When there is intention to integrate and join our deepest faith and beliefs with our actions and behaviors, then that which we do becomes holy. When I am loving and caring to someone in need, whether a friend or stranger, I am expressing holiness in that relationship. When I seek ways to create a greater good in the world, whether through my work, or volunteer service, or some other way of giving back, I am enacting holiness in the world. When I am mindful of my own need for repentance or forgiveness and seek reconciliation with those whom I have hurt, I am both experiencing and expressing holiness in those relationships. When I take time to observe and nurture signs of new life and resurrection in the world around me, I am participating in a wholeness and a holiness is that is much greater than myself.

As Christians celebrate Holy Week this week, may we all be reminded that every one of us has the opportunity celebrate holiness this week by finding ways to being more intentional about the joining together of our faith and deepest beliefs with the everyday actions of our lives.

Are You Paying Attention?

As a child, I had a habit of daydreaming in school, as I was often bored and my mind would wander.  I grew accustomed to my teacher walking over toward my desk and asking what I'm sure he or she meant as a rhetorical question, “Are you paying attention?”  I would always answer affirmatively, in part because once the question was asked I was indeed now paying attention to what the teacher was saying.  As I got older, I realized that in fact, I was  always paying attention--maybe not to what was being taught at the moment, but I was certainly paying attention to something-- my friends, the clock as it got closer to recess, or to the creation of plans for play after school.The fact is that you and I are always paying attention.  The question is not if we are paying attention, but what are we paying attention to?  We have a saying that runs through all of our Living Compass Faith & Wellness programs, one that stresses the importance of paying attention: “Whatever we pay attention to is what will grow.” My wife Holly, and I recently recorded a new episode of our podcast “Living Compass for Families” that is based on becoming more aware of what we pay attention to (see below for the link to it) and so the saying, “Whatever we pay attention to is what will grow” has been on my mind a lot.  You might say I have been paying attention to this saying and therefore its importance has been growing for me. For those of us who are in the midst of observing the season of Lent, this is a time to focus our attention on what matters most in our lives.  This year for Lent I have been paying attention to my spiritual, emotional, and physical wellness.  Daily scripture readings, along with a daily practice of writing or speaking of things for which I am grateful has helped me pay attention to my spiritual and emotional wellness.  Abstaining from eating wheat for the season of Lent, has been my way of focusing on my physical wellness and I am enjoying feeling better physically.  Each of these experiences have reminded me, once again, that whatever I pay attention to is what will grow.  Lenten disciplines, while probably not often thought of in this way, often have the effect of enhancing some area of wellness in our lives. The essential question for each of us is not, “Are you paying attention?”  The essential question is, “What are you paying attention to?”  If our attention is being paid to what annoys us in life, then that annoyance will grow.  If our attention is being paid to our worries then they will most likely grow as well.  If our attention is paid to what we cherish most about a friend or loved one, then that feeling will grow.  If our attention is paid to our relationship with God, or caring for our bodies, or taking time to be playful, then each of those things will grow as well.  If, on the other hand, our attention is so scattered and divided that nothing is getting quality attention, then it should not come as a surprise if there is not much that is growing in our lives.

So what do you want to see grow in your life?  In others words, what do you want to pay more attention to?  Your work?  Your relationships with family and friends?  Your spiritual life?  Your physical wellness?  Whether you are observing Lent, or not, there is not time like the present to discover that what you pay attention to is what will grow.

 Next week I will be paying attention to my need for rest and relaxation as I take a week's vacation.  This column will return in two weeks.