What 100,000 Harley Riders Know

I live in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and we who live in Milwaukee will have the distinct pleasure of being visited by 100,000 Harley riders this weekend.  The Harley-Davidson Motorcycle Company, founded in Milwaukee in 1903, has invited riders from all around the world to town to celebrate the 110th anniversary of the company's founding.  Countless activities, parades, and concerts will occur in multiple locations throughout  this exciting holiday weekend in Milwaukee. Two seemingly conflicting desires  come together in this Harley celebration and they intrigue me.  The image of a Harley rider, on one hand, is that of an outlaw, a loner, and a free and independent spirit.  These riders are rugged individuals who march to their  own drum.  My father, a Harley rider throughout his life, until  the age of 82 actually,  fit the image of the independent Harley rider perfectly.  He loved to put his leather coat and chaps on and hit the open road all by himself.

In contrast to the desire to be free and independent, there is another desire being expressed in the Harley reunion this weekend.  For the 100,000 riders gathering in Milwaukee this weekend, there is also a strong desire for community.  These free and independent spirits long to be connected with others just like them.  For three days they will gather with people who ride bikes like theirs and who wear  clothes like theirs.  They will take great delight in making new friends and being a part of a community of other free spirits just like them.

In the end Harley riders are just like just like the rest of us.  We all have a desire to be separate and unique, and we all have a desire to be connected and included.  These two desires exist within us, throughout our entire lives.  These two desires are perhaps most visible in adolescents, when we see teens dressing in a way that both separates them from their parents and bonds them with their peers.  Today's teens, just as we did when were their age, are all working hard to be different while at the same time all looking just alike.

When I work with people in spiritual direction or counseling, I find that they often express that they are struggling to balance the need to be both independent of others yet at the same time connected.    Some report that they feel that they are maybe too independent , as they are  lacking the connection they desire with friends, family, their faith community, and the wider community.  Others report a high level of connectedness with friends, family, and community, but feel they are lacking in their individuality.  When we find ourselves out of balance as far as these two desires are concerned, it is wise to tend to the less developed side of ourselves.

Great spiritual leaders are  examples of how being unique and being part of a group can exist together.   Jesus, Moses, Buddha, Martin Luther King, Mohammed, Gandhi, and Mother Theresa were some of the most unique individuals that ever lived.  They stood out and are remembered for saying things and living in a way that was totally different from  the dominant cultures in which they lived.  At the same time, they were deeply connected to and were the leaders of communities. Both their independent thinking as well as their connection to others were essential parts of their identity.

In memory of my father, and in honor of the 100,000 Harley riders who will roar together through the streets of Milwaukee this weekend, I give thanks for the reminder to the rest of us to be a free and independent spirit,  and to be connected to a strong community for support and fun.  Apparently we are born to be wild and we are born to be connected!

Heartbreak Hotel

It just so happens that I am in Memphis, Tennessee today.  I am here for a meeting with the leaders of CREDO, a well-known and outstanding wellness initiative that serves clergy and other leaders of the Episcopal Church.  We are having some great conversations about possible areas of collaboration for Living Compass and CREDO.What an incredible coincidence that I am here in Memphis on this day--August 16th--of all days.  What are the odds of that happening?  You do know what the connection is between Memphis and August 16th is, don't you?  Well, just in case you don't, it was thirty-six years ago today on August 16, 1977 that Elvis Presley died here in Memphis at his Graceland home.   This week in Memphis concludes the annual Elvis celebration and I was delighted to see many Elvis impersonators last night as I walked up and down Beale Street. When it comes to wellness, Elvis is a reminder that there is always a fine line between thriving and declining.  Creating and maintaining wellness over a life time takes commitment and perseverance.  We can learn a great deal from the life and death of Elvis Presley, about what to do and what not to do. One positive lesson I take from a person like Elvis is the inspiration to be unique, to be different, to be yourself.  Oscar Wilde quipped, “Be yourself; as everyone else is already taken.”   Elvis lived this truth.  No one has shaken their hips and caused such a stir the way Elvis did-- in public no less!  His gyrations were scandalous in his day, to the point that when he appeared on the Ed Sullivan Show the cameras only showed him from the waist up. All of this turned him into a world famous star and to this day he holds the record for most top singles on the Billboard Record Chart.  Additionally, Elvis also went on to star in thirty-one movies that were equally successful. There are of course lessons from Elvis's life about how not to live your life as well.  In our Living Compass wellness program we draw the analogy that human beings are like trees.   Like a tree, if a person wants to create growth “above ground” they will also need to create new growth in their emotional and spiritual root system “below ground.”  Anytime we go through a significant change or growth in our lives, we need to nurture our root system to sustain that growth.  It would appear to me that Elvis did not have the emotional and spiritual root system to support the incredible changes and successes that became his life. A new parent is going to have to grow deeper emotional and spiritual roots to be able to support him or herself in this new role.  A person leaving home for the first time will need to do the same. A person who takes on a new leadership role with more responsibility will as well.  Any significant change in our lives will require a deeper emotional and spiritual root system to support that change.  If there is not a healthy root system the person, like a tree, is vulnerable to toppling over. Many of you are familiar with the Biblical parable that talks about seeds that were planted in shallow soil.  The plant grew up very quickly, but because it had no depth of soil it, withered quickly and toppled over. Elvis died a lonely death thirty-six years ago today and that saddens me and I imagine millions more who were his beloved fans are saddened as well. I give thanks for his creativity and his daring to be his own person, while at the same time I grieve the tragic way in which his life toppled in the end.  In memory and in honor of Elvis and of all the fun and excitement he brought into the world maybe we should all promise ourselves to do the work necessary to develop healthy root systems in our lives in what ever way works for us. In that way, his death can be a source of new life for those of us who so much enjoyed his energy.

All Because Someone Took The Time To Notice

In last week's column I wrote about my how my nephew and his two year old son recently spent several hours together in their back yard creating a pirate ship out of a large cardboard box.  The intention of the column was to both remind us about the importance of creating time in our lives for play as well as to remind us that play does not have to involve expensive toys.  Sometimes amazing things can happen with just a few cardboard boxes.One of the readers of this column wrote to me about another story that involved a child creating something amazing out of cardboard and I want to share this story with you this week.  The child in this story is a little bit older, in fact he will turn eleven this week.  His name is Caine Monroy and he is the founder of Caine's Arcade, an arcade built entirely out of cardboard. Two summers ago Caine found himself a bit bored sitting around his dad's used auto part store located in the industrial part of East Los Angeles.  Caine's dad, George Monroy, is a single parent and because it was summer and school was out he needed to bring Caine to work with him everyday.  One day while at his dad's store, Caine helped pass the time by making an arcade game our of cardboard.  He continued to create other games and then when he felt he had enough to create an arcade he put a sign up saying that he was open for business.  Caine hoped that customers would purchase four plays for a dollar, or they could purchase a Fun Pass which allowed them five hundred plays for two dollars.  Caine bought special tickets that customers could win and then redeem for prizes.  The first prizes were some of Caine's very own Hot Wheels cars.  Caine opened the arcade with great expectations.  The problem was months passed and nobody came to play!  Caine did not give up hope. One day a man by the name of Nirvan Mullick came to the store to buy a replacement door handle for his car.  He saw Caine's Arcade and stayed to play, not realizing that he was Caine's one and only customer. He purchased a Fun Pass and played for quite a while, getting to know Caine in the process and became amazed by Caine's creativity.   It turns out that Mullick is an independent film maker and because he was so impressed with Caine's ingenuity and perseverance, he decided he wanted to help Caine out.

  Through Facebook, Mullick organized hundreds of his friends to come to the Arcade one Sunday afternoon to surprise Caine.  He had arranged to have George, Caine's dad, take Caine out for lunch and when they returned hundreds of people were there!  Everyone bought Fun Passes and Mullick filmed the events of the day.  He eventually created a short video telling the story of Caine's Arcade.  Needless to say, Caine and his dad were thrilled.  You can view the short video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faIFNkdq96U.  It is well worth a few minutes of your time.  The video went viral and has now  been viewed over seven million times.  That would have been wonderful enough, but there is more to the story! Mullick, along with Caine and his dad, used the international attention they were receiving to create the Imagination Foundation.  The purpose of the foundation is to inspire creativity and entrepreneurship in children all around the world.  Mullick, wanting to make sure that Caine would have a chance to go to college someday, also created a college scholarship fund hoped to raise $25,000.  Going beyond his wildest dreams, the contributions to that fund currently stand at $236,000.  In addition, Caine was recently the youngest speaker to ever address the USC Marshall School of Business,  he has met President Obama, and was also invited to be part of a TED talk by Chelsea Clinton.  Recently he returned from a speaking engagement at the Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity in France and had some thoughts about what he has learned through his amazing business experience.  All of this because an adult noticed a kid who had worked hard and wanted that child to feel successful! Now that Caine has become somewhat of a celebrity many people are wondering what he has learned form the experience. When he was to offer some tips on what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur, he wrote this list called.

5 Lessons  for Entrepreneurs: What Did Caine Learn--In His Own Words

1. Be nice to customers.
2. Do a business that is fun.
3. Do not give up. (Caine circled and underlined this one three times)
4. Start with what you have.
5. Use recycled stuff

Great advice from a soon to be eleven year old that applies, not just to vocational wellness, but to all dimensions of wellness.

Be nice.  Have fun.  Don't give up.  You already have what you need.  Everything can be put to good use.  I guess that pretty much sums it up. Thanks to our reader who let me know about this inspiring story.  Feel free to share it with others.

A Boatload of Playfulness

Most of us have witnessed something like the following at some point.  An expensive present is bought for a young child.  The present comes in a large box.  The child opens the present and plays with the present for a few minutes, but then ends up playing with the box that contained the present for the next few hours. What might we learn from this scenario?  One thing is that children know a great deal about the simplicity and fun of unstructured, spontaneous play.  It's we adults who seem to think that play needs to involve expensive toys or expensive vacations.  When a child chooses the cardboard box over the expensive toy it contained, maybe they are reminding us that the spirit of play is something that truly comes from within.

In our Living Compass Wellness program one of the eight areas we discuss and invite people to assess for themselves is "Rest and Play."  When people complete the Living Compass Self-Assessment, Rest and Play is frequently the area of wellness that most people say they want to pay more attention to.  It seems that many people are feeling overworked and stressed and are yearning for the re-creation that comes from creating some true rest and play in their lives.

According to Plato, "You can discover more about a person in an hour of playing than in a year of conversation." Plato must have believed that the soul, the essence of a person, gets expressed best in play.  Perhaps this is because in order to really play you have to be "all in."  You cannot fake a spirit of playfulness--either you have it or you don't.  I know for myself that the first warning sign that I am stressed and out of balance is that I lose my sense of humor, in other words, I lose my sense of playfulness.

Summer is probably the season we most associate with play.  Kids are out of school and many people take a vacation this time of year.  To inspire you to rediscover the simple joy of play, I have shared the photo at the top of this column.  Here's the story that goes with that photo.

Earlier this summer my nephew Andy and his son Drew (the two and half year old in the photo) built this pirate ship out of an old box.  When Andy related the story to me he said that they spent an entire afternoon creating the pirate ship and then playing pirates together in their new creation.  The cost for this amazing experience?  Nothing.  The benefits from this experience?  Priceless.  Andy and Drew did more than just create a pirate ship on that summer afternoon.  They also strengthened their already amazing relationship, rekindled their imaginations, and created wonderful memories.

There is still time for each of us to carve out some time for simple play this summer and in the process create some wonderful memories.  For a pirate there is no greater delight than to unearth buried treasure.  I am grateful for our pirate friends, Andy and Drew, for reminding us how something as simple as playing with a cardboard box all afternoon can unearth a few treasures buried within our hearts and souls as well --treasures of joy, spontaneity, laughter, and love.

Because Every Baby Is Royal

There are two young children who received a great deal of media attention this week.  The first, of course, is the baby now known as His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge, the son born to Prince William and his wife Kate this week in England.  Needless to say, the media coverage of Prince George's arrival was extensive, including many websites that featured around the clock live video coverage of the front door of the hospital where Prince George was born.  In addition to Prince George, there was second child that received a great deal of media attention this week.   His name is Patrick and he lives in Texas. Patrick is two years old and suffers from Leukemia.  Patrick's prognosis is good, but his treatments have caused him to lose all of his hair.  To express his love and his solidarity with his son, his father Jon decided to shave his head.  Many of Jon's work colleagues, also decided to do the same.  It just so happens that Jon and his colleagues all have rather interesting jobs.  They are all part of what is known as the “protective detail” for former President George Herbert Walker Bush.

When President Bush, now 89 years old, learned of Patrick's illness and saw that Patrick's father and his colleagues had all shaved their heads, he decided to do the same.  The photo above captures the delight that Bush seems to be feeling in his act of compassion and support (even if Patrick doesn't quite seem to notice).  President Bush and his wife, Barbara, are no doubt feeling a special connection with Patrick and his family, given that their daughter Pauline died from Leukemia at the age of 4 in 1953.

In honor of all the attention on the royal baby this week, I invite us all to pause and remember that, in fact, every baby, every child is royal.  Every child is equal in the eyes of the Creator, which means that no child is more special than any other.  Patrick is no more or less important than Prince George.  Every baby born this week, no matter what the situations or circumstances are, is royal.

It's probably safe to say that none of us will ever have a personal relationship with a child born to royalty in England.  Many of us though, know a child, like Patrick, who could benefit from a little extra attention and support.   As with President Bush, it might be the child of someone with whom we work--or it might also be a child in our neighborhood, a child we know from church, a child in our extended family, or a child we know through our volunteer work with an organization that serves children. My hope is that the picture of President Bush with Patrick might inspire each of us to look around in our corner of the world to find a child for whom we can do something special.  Doing something special for a child know will most likely require sacrificing our hair,  but it might require a sacrifice of our time, money, or energy.  Judging by the look on President Bush's face, we may find that in the efforts we make to assist a child that we actually reap as much as we sow.  Perhaps, most important of all, our acts of love and service to the children in our lives will show the world that we believe that every child deserves the royal treatment.