Wait For It

Have you ever accomplished or created something significant in a short period of time?  While there are exceptions to everything, I would guess that most of us would answer this question negatively.  It takes time and patience to create a life of meaning.  It takes time and patience to create a trusting, caring friendship, marriage, or family.  It takes time and patience to create a new initiative in your community.  It takes time and patience to create a spiritual life.  It takes time and patience to create meaningful work.  It takes time and patience to create physical wellness.  It takes time and patience to create a life of giving and service to others. No one would ever confuse me with a person who is good at practicing patience, but as I get older, I am working on it.  It takes time to learn the practice of patience!  Too often I want to see immediate fruit from some effort I am making, whether it be getting in better shape, strengthening a relationship in my life, or starting a new project in my work.  Even in my prayer life I can find myself acting like a line from an old joke: “Lord, please give me patience, and please give it to me now!” Patience is in short supply in our world.  People want what the want and they want it yesterday.  In our LIving Compass Wellness groups we see that patience is often the biggest challenge for participants.  As participants in these groups seek to make small changes to strengthen one area of wellness in their lives, they often report that the biggest challenge is staying committed to the changes if they do not see immediate results.  To make any significant change in our lives takes commitment, discipline, perseverance, and patience.  Of these four, patience is often the hardest for people to practice. One place we can turn to better learn the practice of patience is nature.  The rhythms of nature unfold at their own pace.  A tree buds and flowers blossom in their own time.  They cannot be rushed.  Eggs are laid and young are hatched in their own time, following patient rhythms of nature.  Along the east coast of the United States, from North Carolina to Connecticut, we are witnessing an amazing and unique example of the patient rhythms of nature in watching the unfolding of what is known as “Brood II.”  Brood II is the term used to describe the return of a particular group of 17 year cicadas.  Some 30 billion cicadas that were born in 1996 and have been living underground since they were born, are just now emerging as the temperature of the soil reaches 64 degrees.  They will live for a short time with the primary goal of reproducing.  Their offspring will then burrow into the earth and like their parents, emerge 17 years from now in the year 2030.  Could there be a better lesson right now about patience?

One of the most beautiful writings about love was written 2000 years ago in Saint Paul's letter to the Corinthians.  It is worth noting here that in Paul's description of the many attributes of love, the first one he lists is patience.  Love, like everything else worthwhile in life, takes time.  The fruit of mature, abiding love takes time to be fully realized.  May the cicadas remind us that love, along with all good things in life, require patience and time--sometimes as long as 17 years.

Momisms 2013

Our wellness initiative continues the tradition of honoring mothers as Mother's Day approaches, by remembering the wisdom they teach us about how to live our lives well.  Last week I asked readers to share their favorite momisms and I received seventy-five responses.  I am sorry that I can't share them all, but I am delighted to share ten that stood out to our Living Compass wellness team.  We offer these ten momisms to you with a sentence or two reflection about what they have to teach us about wellness.      You can't know anything you've never been taught.  The implicit message of this momism is that we are wise to remain open to learning throughout our entire life.   Throughout each stage of life we can benefit from new experiences that teach us important lessons about wellness.

     Buy good fruit.  The wisdom here is that in order to eat well, we have to first make the choice to buy well.  This applies to all aspects of wellness.  Anticipation and preparation set us up to succeed.

     This moment is fleeting in the face of eternity.  Our emotional and spiritual wellness is enhanced when we remember two things--to live in the present moment, and that any present suffering is more bearable when we place it in the context of a much larger time frame.

     Take care of a goldfish and then you can get a dog.  When taking on any new challenge or responsibility it's important to start small.  New habits are learned best in small steps.  For example, develop a regular habit of walking before you try to run you first 5K.

     Life is hard by the yard, but a cinch by the inch.   Twelve step programs teach this same wisdom when the remind us to live one day at a time.  Start toward major goals with small steps.

     You know the difference between right and wrong, so act accordingly.  We almost always know what wellness and wholeness look like in the various aspects of our lives.  The key is matching our actions with what we know, matching our walk with our talk.

     For a friend in need, say a prayer and roast a chicken.  We need to remember to integrate the spiritual with the practical.  Faith without works is empty.

     The best way to have a friend is to be one.  Today this is known as the law of attraction.  All relationships are important and need to be tended to stay strong and healthy.

     If you can say something nice about somebody--sincerely--you should tell them.  This is the positive version of, “if you can't say something nice about someone don't say anything at all.”  This reminds us of the importance of sharing our appreciation and gratitude with others as it is what builds and strengthens individuals and relationships.      You are my sunshine and my love and prayers go with you always.  Unconditional love is the best gift of all.   It is love that is based on who a person is, not on what he or she does.  It is not only the best gift we can receive, but also the best gift we can give.

Emotional Resiliency

I love the word resiliency.  It's a fun word to say and I love the way it sounds.  It just sounds hopeful.  Even more than how is sounds, I like what it means.  To be resilient means to possess the ability to bounce back and recover one's emotional and spiritual center in the midst of difficult conditions.  Resiliency is not so much a trait a person possesses, but rather a skill that a person can learn and there are certain habits that a person can cultivate that will help them become more resilient.I had the joy of facilitating a conversation about emotional resiliency in the work place with forty church administrators this week.  As in many work settings, those in administration are the ones that hold the place together and when there is stress in the workplace, they are often the one's most affected.  It doesn't matter where you work--whether in the church or just about any other setting--stress in the work place is on the rise.  Some of the reasons for the increasing stress are people working longer hours or multiple jobs, they are taking on more increased workloads,  and they are finding that with smartphones, computers, and email it is harder than ever to keep personal time separate from work time. Perhaps you are one who is experiencing stress in the workplace right now.  Or perhaps you are experiencing stress in your personal or family life.  Whatever the nature of your stress here are a few suggestions that emerged from the conversation I had with some wise church administrators.  These suggestions can help any of us become more emotionally resilient in the face of stress. The first thing we all agreed upon was the importance of awareness--being able to honestly recognize the early warning signs that stress is building up and becoming a problem in one's life.  At our workshop I asked the group, “How do you know when stress is becoming a problem for you?”  Here are some of their answers:

• I get irritable and snap at people, either at work, or at home.
• I have trouble sleeping.
• I eat poorly, eating comfort food that's not good for me.
• I shut down and pull away from everyone.
• I get sick a lot.
• My allergies get much worse.
• I feel really anxious and have what feel like panic attacks.
• I cry a lot.
• I work more hours, but get less done because I'm tired and unfocussed.
• I stop exercising--the very thing I need to do more!

Our group agreed that the earlier we can pay attention to these warning signs that we are stressed, the easier it is for us to make the changes or adjustments necessary to recover our emotional balance. Our group discussed several other vital habits that help them maintain or recover their emotional center in the midst of stress.

• Develop and nurture one's spiritual life.
• Exercise on a regular basis.  It will do as much for one's moods as for one's body.
• Create healthy boundaries.  Know your limits and practice saying, “No.”
• Cultivate optimism.  Whatever we pay attention to is what will grow.
• Create or find a social support network.  No need to go it alone.  Resist the urge to either isolate from others, or to become irritable and short with them.
• Keep your sense of humor!

Stress happens.  It is ubiquitous these days.  Emotional resiliency happens, too, though.  The key difference though, is that stress happens whether we want it to or not, while emotional resiliency is something that we have to choose to make happen.   I am grateful for our wise group of church administrators for reminding us all of the habits and practices we can create to help us thrive, even in the midst of stress.

Strength of Character

42 is one of the best movies I have ever seen.  In spite of what you may have heard, it is not primarily a movie about baseball, but rather a movie about the power of the human spirit to triumph over evil.  It is a movie about the power of personal character, the power of faith, and the power of family.   Yes, it is a movie about Jackie Robinson, one of the most famous major league baseball players who ever lived, but what moved me most when I recently saw the movie was not the strength of his baseball skills, but rather the strength of his character.Bud Selig, the Commissioner of Major League Baseball, said this week, “There are a lot of great things that have happened over the years, but I have often said that Jackie Robinson's coming to the big leagues is not only the most powerful moment, but the most important moment.”  He made this statement while visiting Milwaukee this week where he spoke with students of Roosevelt Middle School of the Arts about the movie.   Accompanying him that day was a very special guest, a woman by the name of Sharon Robinson, who just happens to be the daughter of the late, great Jackie Robinson. The middle school students were treated to a special showing of 42, the movie that tells the story of Jackie Robinson's rookie year with the Brooklyn Dodgers.  On April 15, 1947, Robinson became the first black man to play Major League Baseball.   While the movie highlights Robinson's amazing athletic strengths, it is his strength of character that is most memorable. When Jackie's daughter, Sharon Robinson, asked the students, after having just seen the movie, how they would describe her father, the things they commented on were his bravery, self control, strength, power, determination, and the fact that he never gave up.  I find it fascinating  that they all spoke about Robinson's character, and not his ability to steal bases or hit with power to the opposite field. The movie makes it clear that there were three factors that gave Robinson the strength to endure the horrific racism he encountered.  The first was his own personal strength of character.  The second was the moral compass of his Christian faith.  And the third was the strength of his marriage to his wife, Rachel. All three are movingly portrayed in the movie.

Bravery. Self-control. Strong and powerful. Determination.  Never giving up.  This is how the middle schoolers remembered Jackie Robinson.  Wouldn't we all want to be remembered in this way?  We don't need to be national icons to exhibit these qualities.  What we do need though is strength of personal character, a strong moral compass, and strong, supportive relationships.

Fear Is Not the Only Force At Work in the World

In 1980 I ran my first marathon and have run dozens more since then in Chicago, Nashville, Philadelphia, Milwaukee, and many other cities. And I have had the honor of running the Boston Marathon twice. In my opinion, the greatest part about marathons is what we runners call "the human race." We relish the fact that the whole human race is represented: young and old and male and female compete together, those who are running and those who compete in wheel chairs as well, sighted and blind runners run side by side, and runners from every corner of the globe run together in races like Boston. And in no other sport do the world's elite athletes in their sport participate in the exact same event as the average, everyday athlete. When we runners have talked about the whole human race being present at every marathon, we never imagined that description to include the possibility of terrorists, but from this week going forward we will. In Boston this week, it turns out that "the whole human race" included about 25,000 runners, 500,000 spectators and 2 (the best guess at this point) terrorists. Boston is a painful reminder that within the whole human race we find the best and the worst of human behavior.

In the midst of all that I have read and seen this week, the words in the image at the top of this article have stayed with me. "Fear is not the only force at work in the world." I love these words because they honor the fact that fear is indeed part of what we all feel after a terrorist attack, and yet at the same time these words remind us that there are so many other forces at work in the world both before and after an attack like this.. Both the runners and the responders showed us that love, courage, compassion, commitment, discipline, sacrifice, faith, and hope are also very much alive and at work in the world.

We have a saying in Living Compass that says, "whatever we pay attention to is what will grow." For me, this means this week that I am allowing myself to feel my fear, grief, and anger, while at the same time I am giving most of my attention to the countless demonstrations of character and conviction that I have also witnessed this week in Boston.

The valley of the shadow of death is indeed real. Life is horribly unfair at times. Bad things happen to good people. The 23rd psalm does not deny the valley of the shadow of death, while at the same time it reminds us that we do not have to be consumed with fear. "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil." I take this to mean that while I will feel fear, I need not get stuck in that feeling. I can walk through that valley of death and of fear and emerge on the other side filled with hope, love, healing, and even forgiveness. That journey through the valley of death and fear is not easy. It takes time, commitment, discipline, and perseverance--something the 23,000 runners at the Boston marathon know a lot about and who in this midst of our fear serve as an inspiration for all of us.