Coming to Christmas

The message that Christmas is coming is everywhere we turn right now!  There's even a song announcing that, “Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat......”  In the face of all the proclamations that Christmas is coming soon, I am sorry to break the news to you--Christmas is in fact not coming. Now before you dismiss me for what may seem like a Scrooge-like spirit, allow me to explain. Any talk about “Christmas is coming” is of course referring to the approaching date of December 25th.  The day on which we celebrate Christmas is, in fact, coming soon.  But Christmas is much more than a date on a calendar.  Christmas is an event that occurred two thousand years ago manifesting the promise that God is with us, that God's light has come into the darkness and that the light is more powerful than any darkness we may encounter.  When we refer to this meaning of Christmas, then Christmas is not coming.  It's not coming because it's already here.  It already came and it has never left. It can be difficult, especially for children, to wait for the date to come when we can finally celebrate Christmas.   When we remember though that Christmas is already here, then we no longer need to wait for Christmas to come--instead it is we who need to come to Christmas.  We are choosing to come to Christmas when we believe that love is stronger than violence, when we we forgive someone who has hurt us, when we work to protect the most vulnerable in our society, and when we give the gift of ourselves--our hearts and souls--to someone we love.

One of the messages and promises of Christmas is, “Peace on Earth.”  In light of the terrible violence that occurred last week in Newtown, Connecticut we find ourselves acutely longing for that peace.  We don't have to passively long or wait for this “Peace on Earth” to come to us though, just as we don't have to wait for the true meaning of Christmas to come.  We have already been given this Peace, and along with it the complete freedom and responsibility to make it a reality in our culture--in our homes, in our schools, and our society as a whole.   When “Peace on Earth” is lacking, it is not a reflection on God, but on us.  We need to do more than wait and pray for this Peace; we need to courageously change and act to do our part in making this Peace more present in our world, whatever it takes.  When it comes to protecting our children, as our President said last week, “Surely we can do better than this.”

If you are looking for something specific and concrete that you can do to promote peace in response to the violence in Newtown, here's one suggestion.  Reach out to two or three young people that you know outside of your family and build a supportive, caring relationship with them.  Young people are formed not just by their families, but the many other adults in their lives with whom they come in contact.  Our young people need and desire honest, caring relationships with adults and by connecting with them we can help give them the safety and guidance they need to grow up to be healthy, happy, and peaceful.  Actively seeking a young person to care for is one concrete way of choosing to “come to Christmas.” Peace on earth, also includes peace in our homes and in our families.  The holidays  often serve as a magnifying glass for whatever stress and lack of peace we may be experiencing in our closest friendships and family relationships.  We may find ourselves wishing for healing and reconciliation with someone who has hurt us, or whom we have hurt.  Again, we need to be careful that our wishing doesn't make us passive.  Reconciliation doesn't just come to us; we need to actively seek out and do our part to create the healing and reconciliation that we desire. So while we wait a few more days for December 25th to arrive, let us celebrate right now the good news that Christmas is already here!   It is right here, fully present in, and amongst, the broken places in our lives, our relationships, and our world.  We don't have to wait any longer for it come.  Like the shepherds and the wise people before, we need to make the decision to come to Christmas.  May each of us do our small, but important part, in creating Peace on Earth by coming to Christmas not just on December 25th, but every day of the year. From all of us at Living Compass, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Receiving Gifts

Have you ever been disappointed by a person's response to the gift that you bought him or her?  Most of us have had the experience of someone opening a gift from us and putting it aside quickly with very little appreciation.  And most likely we have also reacted the same to gifts that others have given us, perhaps without any awareness that we were hurting the giver's feelings.

Each of us has probably been the person on both sides of this scenario.  It is easy for us to build up expectations of what we want someone to give us, and then to be hurt when they do not meet our expectations.  To top it off, and I know I have been guilty of this, we are hurt when someone does not meet our desires or expectations even when we never let them know about them in the first place

Since gift giving is such a major part of this season, I have decided to commit to the following: to do a much better job of receiving the gifts that I am given on a daily basis.

The gifts I am referring to are not material gifts--they are the daily gifts of family, friendships, and faith.  They are the daily gifts of a loving touch, a kind smile, supportive words, humor, forgiveness, joy and grace.  They are the daily gifts of breath, health and life itself.  They are the daily gifts of abundance, beauty, and peace.

It is far too easy for me to mindlessly "receive" these gifts, quickly put them aside, and act as if they were not everything I wanted or expected.  When I do this, I mindlessly hurt the giver of the gifts: my family, friends and God.

There is an additional dimension to this new way of receiving gifts that I am excited about.  It seems to me that in order to better receive the gifts I am given, I need to truly open them!  I need to really open and explore the gifts of loved ones, friends, and my faith.  How wonderful is that!  To do this I will of course need to more fully open myself at the same time.

Your Christmas Present

  This reflection also appears as the second reading in our "Living Love:  Daily Meditations for the Season of Advent 2012." You can view or download our Advent Booklet on your mobile device or PC at www.LivingCompass.org/Advent2012.iml.     I have seen several different productions of "A Christmas Carol" throughout the years, and one of the things I enjoy is seeing how the three Christmas ghosts (past, present, and future) are portrayed by the different directors.  There is plenty of room for creative expression when it comes to creating the characters of the ghosts, and each time I've seen "A Christmas Carol" the ghosts seem to get bigger and more frightening.

You and I are the directors of our own Christmas stories each year, and we too, are allowed plenty of creative expression when it comes to how we will cast the ghosts of Christmas past, Christmas present, and Christmas future.

We are each visited by the ghosts of "Christmas past" this time of year.  Wonderful memories of Christmases past fill our hearts and are often accompanied by sadness as we realize what has passed and will never be again.  Our grief, of course, goes hand and hand with our gratitude for what has been.  "Christmas past" also fills us with joyful memories, especially when we reflect back to the magic of Christmas when we were children. If we are not mindful, any grief that visits us from "Christmas past" may also cause us to worry excessively about "Christmas future."  We may worry that Christmas will "never be the same again".  We may find ourselves having a hard time enjoying the holiday season this year because we are so focused on how "this is probably the last Christmas that...."  Grieving over the past or worrying about the future are places where any of us can get stuck.

The key to not getting stuck in the past or the future is to fully embrace "Christmas present."  We do this by "loving what is," by fully entering into the delight--and perhaps the challenges--that this Christmas means for us.  Our faith assures us that God's Love is equally present in the best of times and the hardest of times, and isn't that after all what the celebration of Christmas is all about?  I overhead a person say, "I'm the one in our family who is responsible for making Christmas happen."  I understand what they meant by that, but if they take that too literally, they are vulnerable to exhausting themselves and those around them.  We are all wise to remember who is truly responsible for making Christmas happen, and trust that this power, this presence, is what allows us to relax and receive the gift that is Christmas present this year.

Are You Full Yet?

As  each of us enjoyed our Thanksgiving meals this year, we probably paused  a few times to consider whether we should have one more bite, thinking  to ourselves, "am I full yet?"  If you ignored this question, or kept on  eating in spite of your answer, you no doubt paid a consequence for  it.  Instead of enjoying your Thanksgiving you probably ended up  uncomfortable and tired.Now we each have another chance to ask the same  question, "am I full yet?"  We will each answer this question numerous  times over the next three and half weeks as we prepare to celebrate  Christmas.  The pressure to overindulge this time of year is  immense.  It is easy to say "yes" to so many internal and external  expectations that we  do not realize the cumulative effect of our  decisions, until we are relieved that Christmas is over.  The paradox is  that all of this fullness leaves us feeling empty, as if all we did was  eat dessert after dessert, somehow missing the main course. So if trying to be so  full runs the risk of leaving us feeling empty, perhaps we might try a  different approach this year.  We might practice saying "no" to the  expectations that we put on ourselves and allow others to put on us.  In  doing this we say "yes" to our need for quiet, rest and deeper  connections with the people we love most.  In doing this we may discover  the other side of the paradox:  emptying our lives of some things will  help us to feel full. There is another essential reason to practice letting  go of the pressure of expectations this holiday season.  God has a  way of showing up in our lives in the most surprising and unexpected  ways.  If our lives are overly full, there is no room for such  surprises. Remember that in the story of Christmas the inn was full the night that Love was born.  Intentionally emptying our lives of  busyness, creates openings for Love to enter our lives and our  relationships anew this year, making room for the main course of the  season.

Singing Grace

This past Monday night was our turn to host our movie group at our house.  Our group currently consists of five couples and three children.  We take turns hosting the group which meets every other month.  The hosts provide a simple meal and get to choose the movie to be discussed at the gathering.  We chose Arranged for this meeting of our group, a wonderful independent film about the friendship between two young women, one a devout Muslim and the other an Orthodox Jew.  The website for the movie, found at http://www.arrangedthemovie.com/, includes the tag line “friendship has no religion.”  It's a beautiful movie and I highly recommend it.As our group prepared to sit down for our meal, we paused to say grace.  This group contains five clergy types and so it's a pretty natural thing for us to do.  I offered to lead the grace since we were hosting, and as I was just about to start I felt inspired to do something a little different.   As we all stood and held hands around the table I asked if we could begin our grace by singing together the first verse of Amazing Grace and that I would then offer a short prayer after our singing. I have no idea what I said after the singing.  I only remember the singing and the Spirit that filled our small dining room as we sang the words we all knew by heart.  We have lived in our house for twenty-six years and while there has been plenty of singing in our house, I believe that was the first time we ever sang grace.  Our singing of our grace allowed us to more deeply feel the grace, to truly experience it in the moment. As we gather with friends and family this Thanksgiving, may we all look for ways to “sing grace” together.  By this I mean don't necessarily mean literally singing together, although it could mean that, but connecting our expressions of love and gratitude with our deepest emotions.  Singing grace means finding authentic and heartfelt ways of expressing our love for on another.  It means not just going through the motions, but going through the emotions.  The classic Thanksgiving hymn begins with the words, “Now thank we all our God, with hearts and hands and voices.”  Singing grace means connecting our hearts with our hands and voices. Singing grace could may be a simple hug in the kitchen as you are cooking side by side.  Or it could mean sharing a special memory together.  Or it could mean sharing tears together over a loved one who is no longer with you.  Or it could mean watching old family movies, savoring the time together.  Or it could mean a spirited game of touch football in the back yard.  Or it could mean serving meals at your church.  Or it could mean calling or reaching to someone who is alone.  What singing grace might look like in your life, I don't know--but you most likely do.  Singing grace can happen whenever hearts and hands and voices join together to share authentic grace and gratitude. Grace and gratitude both come from the same root word.  Expressing our gratitude is giving voice to the amazing grace that we have experienced through our family and friends.  Singing grace is giving voice to that gratitude not just with our thoughts and words, but with our heart. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you from all of us at Living Compass.  This year, may you find the opportunity not just to say grace, but to sing it as well.