Let Your Light So Shine

In honor of All Saint's Day, which is today, I share the following story that captures beautifully what I think it means to be a saint. A pastor of a medium-sized, historic church had a regular practice of inviting all the children to come forward each Sunday to sit on the floor with her as she shared a children's sermon with them.  Because of the playful and unscripted interactions between the pastor and the children, these weekly messages were enjoyed as much by the adults as by the children, because as we know, kids really do say the darndest things.

One year, while  celebrating All Saint's Day, the pastor began her message by talking a little bit about the meaning of All Saint's Day and how this day is connected with the celebration of Halloween, or All Hallow's Eve.  She then paused and asked the children if any of them knew what a saint was.  Several answers were given, but there is one reply that everyone still remembers. It was given when one little boy pointed up at the large stain glass windows, each depicting a famous historical saint in almost life size detail, found throughout the church.   On that Sunday morning several of the saint's windows seemed to almost come to life as the sun shone through the stained glass.  The little boy pointed up at the windows that were illuminated and said, “Saints are those people who the light shines through.”  Indeed, I can think of no better definition of a saint than “a person who the light shines through!”

Hopefully, we are all blessed to have at least a few people in our lives through whom the light of love, peace, and joy shines.  We are energized by their vital spirit and are drawn to the light which they radiate.   On  All Saint's Day, though, it is traditional to think about the saints we have known in our lives who are no longer with us.   All Saint's Day is a perfect time to pause and offer our gratitude for their presence in our lives.  The light from these saints, though they may have died recently or long ago, continues to shine in and through our lives.    For all these saints, who from their labors rest, we give special thanks on this day.

One of the best ways to remember and honor the saints in our lives, both present and past, is to pass on the light that they have given to us.  There is a well-known children's hymn, sung this time of year, that talks about the many kinds of saints around us, and then goes on to declare the intention “that I aim to be one, too.”    Aiming to be a saint may seem daunting and make you uncomfortable, but that's a good thing, because humility is one of the qualities of being saint-like.  In honor of loved ones you have lost you may  strive to be a person “whom the light shines through,” for others,  remembering that what's most significant in that description of a saint is not the person through whom it is shining, but the very light that is shining and the joy that the light brings to the world.

This All Saint's Day I invite us all to remember and give thanks for the saints who have illuminated our lives and whose light continues to shine on and through us.  I also invite us to reflect and recommit to the people and places in our corner of the world that need illumination and to be both humble and dedicated enough to consider how we can be the light of love, joy, and hope to those around us who are most in need of such light.

No Tricks, Just Treats, For 24 Hours

Before you read any farther, please stop and note what time it is.  Remember the time, because for the next 24 hours I invite you to join me in taking the challenge to abide by the advice offered in the box above: Go 24 hours without complaining.  (Not even once.)  Can you do it?  Can I do it?  Of course we can.  Will we?  That remains to be seen. Negativity is easy and rampant.   The half-empty view of life is all around us.  Like a virus, it's highly contagious.  Being cynical is defended as simply being realistic.  Pick a topic -- whether it be politics, religion, families, today's youth, health care, or education. and it's easy to find  naysayers espousing their negativity about what's wrong with _______(fill in the blank).

As part of the annual celebration of Halloween, millions of children will knock on peoples' door next week and greet those who answer with a simple question, “trick or treat?”  Treats will almost always be given, and thus the tricks will be avoided.  In a sense, the question, “trick or treat?” is a great question, not just for Halloween, but as a question that asks each of us to reflect on how we see ourselves, our life, and the world around us.

Seeing life as primarily a trick gives rise to negativity which naturally gives rise to  expressions of complaint.  Seeing life as primarily a treat gives rise to a positive attitude and expressions of gratitude.  Life is, of course, a mixture of tricks and treats.  Bad things happen to good people.  Life is truly not fair. at.  What I am talking about here though, is one's pervasive attitude about one's life, work, family, friends, and life itself.  Do you see life primarily as a trick or a treat? What do your comments and complaints tell others about how you see the world?

If you have a habit of being a negative, complaining person, I invite you, in the spirit of Halloween, to dress up as a positive, grateful person from now until Halloween.  If that seems like more than you can handle, then try dressing up as a hopeful, “half-full” person for at least the next 24 hours.  Of course, if you have been a negative person for some time, people around you will recognize that you are dressing up as someone who's not really you, but that will be okay.  Over time, you, and others around you, may like the new, less frightening look you will be sporting, and it might start to grow on you. Eventually, it might not end up being a costume after all!

Okay, unless you have uttered some negative words while reading this column, you have 23 hours 57 minutes left in your challenge for zero tolerance when it comes to complaining.  If you slip up, the clock starts over again until you have accomplished a complaint free 24 hours.  Have fun with this little trick and invite others to try it as well.  And know that as you do this, you will providing a treat not just for yourself, but for the people who know you best.

Standing In The Need of Prayer

If you are like me, you did not know the name of the Chaplain to the United States Senate until this past two weeks.  Chaplain Barry Black, pictured above, became quite well known during the recent government shutdown for the one minute prayers he offered each time the Senate was in session, something he has been doing for the last ten years.   Black says that his Senate prayers are simply a conversation he is having with God.  He adds, “The fact that the Senators overhear it, is just one of the fortuitous advantages of what I do.” During the shutdown, it seems that it was not just the Senators that were overhearing Black's prayers, but the entire country.  The magnitude of the chaplain's popularity was confirmed when he was featured in a Saturday Night Live television skit this past weekend.  If you happened to miss some of the most publicized lines from Black's prayers, here are a few of them:

“Have mercy upon us, O God, save us from the madness.”

“Forgive them for the blunders they have committed.”

“Remove them from that stubborn pride.”

“Give them a hatred of all hypocrisy, deceit and shame as they seek to replace them with gentleness, patience and truth.”

“Inspire them to take a step back from partisanship and to take a step forward toward patriotism, striving to strengthen and not weaken this land we love.”

“Deliver us from the hypocrisy of attempting to sound reasonable while being unreasonable.”

This is a weekly column about wellness and if you are wondering what this all has to do with wellness, here's the connection.  Whenever any of us get stuck or off track, either personally or in relationships with others, turning to our spirituality is often the best way to get unstuck and move forward.  This is because spirituality speaks of the universal truths in life, truths that are easy for us to forget when we are in the midst of conflict with ourselves or with others.

Senator Joe Manchin, a Democrat from West Virginia, said, “Chaplain Black has the respect of everyone--Republicans and Democrats.”  Authentic spirituality transcends differences and invites everyone to a genuine humility and self-reflection. When we are lost in the wilderness of our pride and self-righteousness, spirituality provides a compass by which we can find our direction forward again.

The next time any of us are in the midst of a conflict with someone we care about, whether at work or at home, I hope we can remember and take to heart the prayers of our Senate Chaplain.  If we do, it just might help deliver us from the hypocrisy of trying to sound reasonable while we are being unreasonable.  Or it might help us to remove our stubborn pride.  Or it might help us to ask for forgiveness for the blunders we have committed.  Or perhaps, best of all, it might help us to take a step back from the partisanship in our lives and instead take a step forward toward the person or persons that we love most.

Thank you Chaplain Barry Black for reminding us of the positive influence that both spirituality and prayer can have in making us well.

How To Recover From A Government Shutdown

Helping families, couples, individuals, and organizations work through “government shutdowns” has been a big part of my job for over thirty years, and I know a few things about helping people to get things working again when a shutdown occurs.   That being the case, I'd be happy to offer my services to the leaders in Washington, however, the “government shutdowns” I know how to help resolve have nothing to do with political leadership.  There are, however, many lessons that apply to either kind of shutdown. Please allow me to explain. When I meet with someone for pastoral counseling or spiritual direction, it is not uncommon for them to say at some point during our first meeting something like, “I don't know exactly what's happening, but I can feel myself shutting down both at work and at home these days.  I feel increasingly disconnected from myself, from others, and from God.”  If I am working with a couple or family, I often hear  similar sentiments.  “I can feel myself shutting down in this relationship,” or, “Lately, I feel like you just shut down every time I try to talk with you” are the kind of things people are likely to say when a relationship is on the verge of a shut down of it's own.  I also hear people say something similar when an organization or congregation has become paralyzed by unresolved conflict, “The communication around here has shut down.  There are factions that barely speak to each other any more.”

In their own ways, all of these people are describing a case of “government shutdown.”  It's important to note that the root meaning of the word govern means to steer or pilot, as in steering or piloting a ship.   If a steamship was to lose it's pilot in the middle of a voyage and there was no one else to govern or steer the ship, the ship, if there was no wind, would either come to a stand still or it   would veer way off course, possibly eventually crashing against the shore. When people report that they are shutting down emotionally or spiritually, one of these two things is probably happening for them and their relationships as well--they are either shutting down and thus coming to a standstill, or they are veering way off course.  The shutdown that is being experienced is a shutdown in the ability to govern, the ability to steer and guide one's self and one's relationships.

As I said, I don't know much about how to resolve a political shutdown, but I do know a thing or two about how to resolve an emotional, spiritual, and/or relational shutdown.

The first and most important step toward any resolution is for each person to take responsibility for his or her part of the shutdown.  Authenticity and transparency are key here.  “I don't like the way I have been acting lately and I am aware of the negative effect this has had on our relationship” will go a lot further toward ending a shutdown than, “You have been acting like a jerk lately and if you would just stop it then we could get along again.”

A second step that follows this first step of taking responsibility for one's part of the shutdown, is to apologize and make amends.  “I'm sorry for the way I have overreacted”  or “I'm sorry to have acted so self-righteously” may unfortunately be seen as a sign of weakness in political circles, but it's definitely a sign of emotional and spiritual wellness in our personal lives and well worth practicing.  Confession of our blind spots to our selves and to others is not just good for our souls; it is good for restoring and strengthening our relationships as well.

A third and final step that helps us to recover from a shutdown in a relationship is shifting the focus from what that which divides to that which unites.  One of my favorite bits of wisdom is, “Whatever we pay attention to, is what will grow.”  If we  pay all of our attention to that which is dividing us, then that division will grow.  If we instead remember and celebrate the greater good of that which unites us, even in the midst of the current conflict, then a feeling of good will and unity will gradually grow.  This will eventually enhance our ability to work together increasing our chances of resolving the conflict we are currently experiencing.

Government shutdowns are painful and hurtful, in whatever form they take, within  governments, families, couples, the workplace, and congregations. The good news is that if we commit to following the three steps outlined above we can recover from them and put the hurt behind us.   The better news is that if we practice these steps on an ongoing basis, we have a good chance of avoiding a “government shutdown” from happening in our lives, in the first place.

Love Changes Everything

If any of you have ever had a change to your name, you know how important it is to inform everyone you know about this name change.  So I am hereby using this column to officially announce to all of you a very important change to my name.  From now on, you are all welcome to call me by my new name, "Pops." It's been thirty-one years since I first had my life turned upside down by someone only 20 inches long, but it happened again this week.  And once again my heart and soul are feeling an intensity of love that I didn't know was possible.  You might have figured out by now that I indeed became a grandfather this week.  Our son and his wife are the proud parents of a baby boy who is--and this is a completely objective opinion--clearly the most adorable baby ever! And if you twist my arm, I might even show you a picture or two or ten or a video or even share a story of how perfect our grandson is!

There is an ancient tradition that extends across all time and all spiritual traditions of a person receiving a new name after they have either had a profound conversion experience or after they have taken on a new role or position.  Saul became Paul when he changed his ways in biblical times. This happened again recently when Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio was elected Pope and changed his name to Francis.  Years ago, I  remember when a young boxer named Cassius Clay converted to Islam and changed his name to Muhammed Ali, and when a young basketball player named Lew Alcindor changed his name to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

While I will still answer to, "Scott," I'm really liking the sound of my new name, "Pops."  Even more, I like the feel of Pops.   I am not the only person to have received a new name as a result of the arrival of our grandson.  Three other grandparents, including my wife, have received new names as well.  And, of course, our grandson has his own new name!

Most importantly though, there are two other people who have received new names.  Their names are the names our son and his wife received, that of Mom and Dad.  Any of us who have been blessed to be called by those names know the joy of parenthood and the joy they are now experiencing as they step into those roles.

Three different people this week have given me the same piece of advice in regard to becoming a grandparent.  They have each said to me, "Hold on to your heart!"  And to each person I have said the same thing, "It's too late for that."  If I had wanted to hold on to my heart, I would have never had children myself.  I am reminded of the quote by Elizabeth Stone: "Making the decision to have a child - it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."  I now know this to be true for grandparents, too, and I also know it to be true for any one of us who has ever fallen in love with a child or any other human being for that matter.  Falling in love is not about holding on to your heart, but about allowing your heart to be exposed in a whole new and life-expanding way.

Please join with me in giving thanks for the miracle of this new life that has come into our midst.  Please also join me in expressing gratitude for the countless ways in which love continues to be born into our world day after day, in so many different ways.  Even though our names may not be changed, our hearts are changed forever whenever we dare to truly love another human being, because love changes everything.