What Cancer Cannot Do

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  All of us know someone whose life has been touched by this disease.  There are currently 2.5 million breast cancer survivors in the United States, with nearly 200,000 new diagnoses of breast cancer each year, including 2,000 men who are diagnosed with breast cancer each year. Breast cancer survivors need many kinds of support.  In addition to the best medical care, they need strong emotional and spiritual support from their families, friends, colleagues and faith communities.  To that end, there have been many recent studies that confrim the importance of spirituality in supporting the whole-person wellness of people with breast cancer.

A 2006 study that was published in The Oncology Nursing Forum (Vol. 33, No 1) backs up the belief that a strong spiritual life is a great support when a person has cancer.  The study assessed both the patients' sense of “a clear meaning in life” and whether or not they had a regular practice of praying.  Here are some of the conclusions from this study:

Having meaning in life and practicing prayer are associated with greater psychological well-being during cancer.

• Meaning in life mediates the effects of breast cancer on well-being.
• Aspects of spirituality, such as meaning in life and prayer, lessen the impact of  breast cancer.

These results support what I have witnessed first hand in my thirty years of ministry.  Just as a tree with a strong root system can better weather a strong storm, a person with a strong spiritual life is better able to survive the storm of breast cancer or any other adversity.  While the best time to develop a strong spiritual root system is long before a storm arrives, I have seen many people deepen their spiritual roots right in the middle of a storm in their lives.

If you know someone whose life has been touched by breast cancer, take this annual reminder to reach out and support them and maybe share with them the poem below  . It came to my to attention when it was shared by a friend at the time of my father's diagnosis of cancer earlier this year.  It is a great reminder that cancer does not have the final word!  These words remind us that cancer can not take away much of what is precious in life and that our spirits can be well when our bodies are not.

What Cancer Cannot Do (Author Unknown)

Cancer is so limited... It cannot cripple love. It cannot shatter hope. It cannot corrode faith. It cannot eat away peace. It cannot destroy confidence. It cannot kill friendship. It cannot shut out memories. It cannot silence courage. It cannot reduce eternal life. It cannot quench the Spirit.

Let's Root, Root, Root for the Home Team

The Milwaukee Brewers have a decisive game five in the National League Divisional Series later today. Fortunately for them, this game will happen right here in Milwaukee on their home field, Miller Park. This is fortunate because the Brewers have the best home field winning percentage of any team in baseball this year. Counting the playoffs, the Brewers are 59-24 at home, which means they have won seventy-one percent of their home games. Remarkable! While there are probably many factors that contribute to a home field advantage, clearly the support of forty thousand cheering fans gives the home team a tremendous boost. As the fans sing so clearly during the seventh inning stretch of each game, "we'll root, root, root for the home team!" With this type of support twenty-six of the thirty teams in Major League Baseball this year had better records at home than on the road, showing clearly that rooting for the home team really does make a difference. This is a column about wellness though, not about baseball, so what does this home field advantage phenomenon have to do with personal and family wellness? Quite simply, what I think we can learn from this information is what a positive difference it makes when we have people rooting for us! Prince Fielder, Ryan Braun and other professional athletes are not the only ones who benefit from the enthusiastic support of a home crowd! Fans at a ball game know what their role is and they do it with reckless abandon as you can see when watching any of the playoff games. They root, root, root for the home team. What if we could adopt this same role as friends, spouses, parents, families, colleagues and faith communities? Who better to root for one another than friends, families and congregations? Life can be challenging for all of us and so we certainly can all benefit from a strong home field advantage. Is there someone in your life that needs a little extra rooting for right now? Do you know someone who is going through a hard time, someone who is unemployed, or dealing with a loss or illness, or just a challenging time in their life? Why not do something to let them know you are rooting for them? Why not become their biggest fan and root for them so that they know that they are not alone in their struggles? I don't know if the Brewers will win later today or not. Rooting for the home team does not guarantee a winning outcome. It will, however, inspire the best possible efforts by the team. That is why rooting for one another is so important, whether in baseball, or in life.

The Universal Wisdom of the Twelve Steps-Part 2

This is the second of a two part column about the universal wisdom of the Twelve Steps from Alcoholics Anonymous.   I want to thank  all of you who took time to write in response to last week's column and to share your own stories about your recovery or the recovery of someone you love.  You are truly an inspiration to us all!! I am writing these two columns about the Twelve Steps because September is National Recovery Month, a time when we celebrate those already in recovery, as well as a time to reach out to those who are considering walking that path

in their own lives.  While the Twelve Steps form the foundation for most recovery programs, they contain a spiritual and psychological wisdom that applies to everyone.

Last week I discussed the first six steps of the Twelve Steps.  In this column I will discuss steps seven through twelve.

Steps seven through nine of the Twelve Steps are:

7.  Humbly asked God (as we understand God) to remove our shortcomings.

8.  Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make

amends to them all.

9.  Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do

so would injure them or others.

These three steps build on two of the themes of the first six steps.  The first theme is the importance of taking an honest inventory of the mistakes we have made and the hurt we have caused people we love.  The second theme is that we need a Power higher than ourselves to help us reorient our lives.  Notice that the first word of step seven is humbly.  The Twelve Steps are an exercise in humility, which is an essential characteristic of all spiritual and emotional wellness.

Steps eight and nine remind us that when we are truly ready to grow and change we need to be willing to be make that change and growth specific and personal.   For example, if a person says, “I've hurt a few people in my life and I feel bad about that,” this will not usually lead to much growth or healing.  In the spirit of steps eight and nine of the Twelve Steps, if this same person specifically names someone they have hurt and then takes the additional steps of making amends with that person, healing and growth are bound to occur.  Some would describe these steps as not just talking the talk, but walking the talk.

The final three steps of the Twelve Steps focus on what a person needs to commit to doing to stay on the road of recovery.

10. Continue to take a personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly

admitted it.

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with

God, as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us

and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to

carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our

affairs.

Step ten speaks to the ongoing need for personal inventory and reflection.  The practice of regular and honest self-reflection is one of the most essential practices for maintaing emotional, spiritual and relational wellness.  Step eleven follows from step ten because maintaining conscious contact with God also helps us to maintain the practice of regular self-reflection.

One of the fruits of wellness is that when we are practicing the steps that maintain our personal wellness, we are in a place to spread that wellness to others.  Step twelve of the Twelve Steps invites people in recovery to do just that, to offer their message of recovery and wellness to others who are in need of hearing it.

The final words of the twelfth step are “to practice these principles in all our affairs.”

These words confirm the point I have wanted to make in these two columns that the Twelve Steps provide great wisdom and guidance to help us order all areas of our lives.

The word recovery means “to regain consciousness, to regain health.”  The Twelve Steps can help us to do both in our lives.   In honor of it being National Recovery Month I want to thank the millions of men and women who show us the real power and truth of the Twelve Steps by living them out in their lives one day at a time.

Pay Attention To What You Pay Attention To

I have been an Episcopal priest for twenty-nine years and have been involved with churches of all denominations my entire life, and because of that, I have known a lot of fine pastors. I have also been involved with several interfaith projects through the years and so have been fortunate to know many fine leaders of other religions as well. All of these men and women have this in common: they inspire us with their preaching and teaching, they comfort us by visiting the sick and suffering, and they provide meaning for us through rituals that honor and celebrate our important life transitions. I have tremendous admiration for these men and women, not just for what they do, but because most people, even the members of their congregations, have little idea how much they give of themselves and how hard they work. Much of their work is done in private, and they rarely receive much recognition for what they do. These men and women are an inspiration to me, and I hope they are to you as well.

So in light of all of what I have just written, it really saddened me to see a pastor in Florida getting national, and yes, international, attention for threatening to do something completely antithetical to the very faith he was ordained to represent. I don’t even know the pastor’s name, because I intentionally choose to pay as little attention to these media hyped stories as possible, but you no doubt know to whom I am referring.

We live in a culture that loves to shine a light on and lift up the angry and the deviant. Living a moral life, upholding strong values in your work and personal life, will rarely get you noticed in our culture today. But do something outrageous, offensive, unethical or illegal and you are sure to be featured on YouTube and the nightly news. The more offensive the words or action, the more attention the person will receive.

This is a weekly column about wholeness and wellness, so why am I bringing this up? I am bringing this up because it illustrates an essential principle about healthy relationships, healthy families, and healthy organizations. The more healthy a relationship/family/organization is, the more it lifts up and celebrates that which is positive, true and life-giving. Unhealthy relationships/families/organization do the opposite; they organize their emotional energy around that which is negative, divisive and conflictual--in fact they often find themselves “stuck” focussing on these negatives over and over again. It seems that it is easier to continuously complain about our spouse, teen, boss, colleague, or pastor than it is to do the harder work of reaching out and proactively working to heal or improve the relationship or situation. Negativity and complaining allow us to stay safe and protected behind our self-righteousness. Seeking understanding and healing require us to soften our hearts and be vulnerable.

In spite of how much attention they may receive, our world doesn’t need more angry, negative and disruptive leaders. What it does need is people like you and me to lead our own lives in ways that quietly bring peace and healing to our corners of the world. In order to do this, we all need to pay attention to what we pay attention to.

What Drives Your Labors?

Mrs. Montgomery teaches high school English and is one of the most beloved teachers in the school.  The students want to be in her writing class, even though she asks a lot from them.  She's been teaching for twenty-five years, but still finds a way to bring fresh energy and a fresh approach to her curriculum every year.  She comes in early and stays late and is willing to meet with students privately during her free time.  There is a contagious energy that you can feel when you walk into her classroom.  The students in this class don't just do assignments to get the grades and credits, most of them have discovered a real interest in writing.  It is not uncommon to hear them say, "I never knew writing could be so much fun!" Mr. Evans also teaches English at the same high school.  Like Mrs. Montgomery, he's been teaching for more than two decades but that's where the similarity ends.  Mr. Evans lost his passion for teaching long ago and now gives the minimum effort required to keep his job.  He is counting the days until retirement.   Not surprisingly, the students don't enjoy being in Mr. Evan's class and find themselves matching Mr. Evan's minimum efforts, doing only what they have to do to get the grade and credits they need.

Daniel Pink is the author of the recently published Drive, a book about what motivates us at work, school and home.  According to Pink, the difference between these two teachers and their students is that Mrs. Montgomery, along with her students, are driven by intrinsic motivation while Mr. Evans and his students are driven by extrinsic motivation.  Pink describes extrinsic motivation as the traditional "carrot and stick" approach--one works to receive external rewards (a paycheck, a good grade) or to avoid external punishments (getting fired, failing a class).  Intrinsic motivation is defined by Pink as being motivated by our deepest values, beliefs and purpose.  Intrinsic motivation comes from the "inside out," as we live out our passions and our purpose.

As we celebrate Labor Day, it's a good time to pause and reflect on what drives your labors, not just at work but in your home and personal life as well.  Like everything in life, it is never as simple as "Are you driven by either extrinsic or intrinsic motivation?"  We all are driven by some combination of both.  What we know though is that we will experience the highest degree of well-being when our lives are closely aligned with our core values, beliefs and ideals--in other words, when we are living our lives in a way that gives us the greatest sense of meaning and purpose.  Going through the motions day after day to only receive some external reward will gradually lead to the atrophy of our hearts, minds and souls.

I highly recommend Drive.  It's a great read and it is sure to expand your awareness of what drives you in all areas of your life.  The book will also give you tools to help you bring the many ways in which you work and labor into greater alignment with your core values, beliefs and purpose.  And when we can do that, our lives will be more vibrant and our labors will feel less like work.