Listening to the Holy

Listening to the Holy

Since the pandemic started, I have made it a habit to spend at least one hour outside every day—even throughout the cold Wisconsin winter. I started this practice initially to take a break from screen time and spending too much time indoors. There is now another reason I continue it.  

Now that spring is bursting forth in full force, each hour spent outside is a delight. The sounds of the birds (robins, cardinals, sandhill cranes, red-wing blackbirds, chickadees, and Canada geese, to name a few), the beauty and fragrance of the buds and flowers, the warming of the sun, and even the spring showers are a gift from heaven that regularly call me to come to enjoy them. 

The reason I love spending time in nature is that it feels a bit like heaven to me. My entire life, as long as I can remember, I have always felt enchanted by nature and have regularly experienced the presence of the Holy whenever I spend time outdoors, soaking in the natural world.  

Recently, I have written several columns about listening. Based on the responses of those of you who have written to me, I am apparently not the only one who wants to improve their listening skills.

Continuing the theme of being a better listener, I have extended my focus to include being a better listener to the natural world around me. In addition to enhancing my listening to others, I have been practicing this as well.

I want to share this poem I recently discovered entitled “Listening to Spring,” and I invite you to leave your earbuds at home next time you go for a walk. I invite you to listen instead, as our poet, Macrina Wiederkehr, must have done, to the sounds of the Holy that are all around, just waiting to be noticed by us. 

“Listening to Spring”

How quietly the earth breathes forth new life. How eagerly the sun bleeds for the spring.

I am listening.

I am listening to seeds breaking open, to roots growing strong beneath the ground, to green shoots rising up from the winter wombs.

I am listening to thorns blossoming, to barren branches laughing out new growth, to wildflowers dancing through the meadows.

I am listening.

I am listening to the forest filling up with song. I am listening to the earth filling up with life. I am listening to trees filling up with leaves. 

I am listening.

I am listening to the sky with its many changing moods, to flashes of lightning, peals of thunder, to opening buds and greening grass….

I am listening to the breaking form of light in the vestibule of dawn. I am listening to the freshness of the morning.

I am listening.

I am listening to the brook, to the song of happy waters. I am listening to music rising up from all the earth. I am listening to spring soaring on wings of life. I am listening to the sounds of spring.

I am listening to prayers pouring forth from feathered throats. I am listening to prayers rising up from misty waters. I am listening to prayers of a meadow crowned with dawn.

I am listening.

I am listening to the growing in the garden of my heart. I am listening to my heart singing songs of resurrection. I am listening to the colors of life.

I am listening.

I am listening to winter handing over spring. I am listening to the poetry of spring.

I am listening.

*From ”Listening to Spring” (excerpts) From The Circle of Life, by Macrina Wiederkehr

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Remembering the Way You Made Us Feel

Remembering the Way You Made Us Feel

As we continue to negotiate these trying times, this year's annual sharing of favorite “Momisms” that readers have shared with me focuses on perseverance.

Before I share these wise sayings, I want to say a word about the power of stories. What I have enjoyed most about collecting these words of wisdom that come from mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and other women in your lives, are the stories you included about the women you were quoting. Your stories were of women who passed away years ago and of others who have died recently. I read your stories of kind mothers and some who were not. And I read your stories of fun times and challenging times as well. Several of you even shared recent Covid-related stories that were timely and poignant.  

When we tell stories about people we have loved and who have loved us, we are reminded of the wisdom that we may not always remember exactly what a person said, but we always remember how that person made us feel. And that's why many of you wrote and said that you didn’t have a particular Momism to share, but you did want to share a loving story about your mother or grandmother. Each story was really a version of how one of these important women made you feel.  

Mother’s Day can be a day full of emotions, bringing forth both easy and difficult ones. Many of you shared your grief because this is the first Mother’s Day since your mother or grandmother passed away or because it’s still challenging to be away from loved ones due to the pandemic. For many people and many reasons, Mother’s Day can sometimes be a sad time, and so I want to acknowledge that reality and say that my heart goes out to all who are grieving, for whatever reason, right now.  

So, with all of this in mind, here is a list of “Momisms,” with a particular focus on those that provide hope and wisdom for persevering in difficult times. 

Never leave the house without saying, “I love you.”

Life goes on.

Remember to always H.O.P.E—Help One Person Everyday.

A good sense of humor goes a long way.

This, too, shall pass.

Just because you are thinking something doesn’t mean you should speak it.

Pause to watch the sunset, and be assured it will rise again in the morning.

Everything will look better in the morning.

Nothing is more important than what you are doing right now.

It's not what happens to you that matters, but how you handle it.

Life is hard by the yard, but a cinch by the inch.

It’s not what you say, but how you say it.

Don’t wish your life away.

This moment is fleeting in the overall scheme of things.

You don't have to like the cards you are dealt, but you do have to play them. 

It may not be ok, but it will all work out.

You will always have some dirt in your house, but you will not always have kids in the house.

“Cuando una puerta se cierra, se abren cien.” (When one door closes, one hundred open.)

Them that don’t listen, feels. (A note from the sender was added that this one comes from an Appalachian grandmother and that it means that when we don’t listen to warnings, we will often feel the pain of what results from not listening).

Let go and let God.

Never say never.

Always remember to be kind. 

Take care of each other.

Today we give thanks for all the stories, sage words, and positive influence of the wise women in our lives.  Even we don’t remember everything you said, we will always remember how you made us feel.

And to all the mothers reading this, Happy Mother’s Day.  

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W.A.I.T.

W.A.I.T.

  We have a saying in our wellness coaching programs that I regularly try to practice. The expression is, “Whatever we pay attention to is what will grow.”   

   I put this saying into practice by choosing some aspect of well-being that I want to grow by paying more attention to it. The area I have been focusing on the last few months is being a better listener. I don’t think I’m a poor listener, but I know there is much room for improvement. I like to talk, sometimes too much, and so I have been paying more attention to pausing and listening.  

   And as the universe would have it, I came across a helpful acronym this week that is enhancing my commitment to be a better listener. The acronym is “W.A.I.T.,” which stands for "Why Am I Talking?" The wisdom here is to practice being more comfortable waiting when someone is speaking to us and being more comfortable with not needing to fill up silences that naturally occur when someone pauses while sharing a story or an emotion. The acronym invites us to be more mindful about why we might have the urge to talk.

  It’s not, of course, that talking is wrong, but mindless talking is rarely helpful and seldom enhances or deepens a conversation. W.A.I.T. is not about refraining from talking, but about refraining from empty chatter because we are either uncomfortable or need to steer the conversation back to ourselves. Here’s an example of the latter. I am listening to someone and hear them share something that relates to me, and so I immediately hijack the conversation and interrupt them to tell them about an experience that I have had that might, at best, tangentially relate to what they were just talking about. That’s a perfect time for me to pause and ask, “W.A.I.T.-Why Am I Talking?”

  Here’s one more example. Someone is sharing an uncomfortable emotion, such as talking about grief or how hard the last year has been for them. If I forget to “W.A.I.T,” I might be tempted to jump in with a positive comment to try and redirect the conversation and cheer them up, something that is rarely helpful or appreciated. Instead, if I can simply be present and listen to their discomfort—and perhaps mine—I will offer them one of the most meaningful gifts of all, the gift of authentic listening.  

  The chances are pretty good that you won't have to wait long to have the opportunity to try out this advice. Next time you are in a conversation with someone, I encourage you to remember “W.A.I.T.—Why Am I Talking?” and see if it makes a positive difference--for you and for them. 

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Imagining Together

Imagining Together

I begin this week with an extended quote from Albert Einstein that I recently came across.

“A human being is a part of the whole, called by us ‘Universe,’ a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest — a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty. Nobody is able to achieve this completely, but the striving for such achievement is in itself a part of the liberation and a foundation for inner security.”

I discovered these words earlier this week while researching writings related to Earth Day, and I think they do apply to our relationship to the natural world and much more than that. 

Einstein makes the point that living with the “optical delusion” that we are separate from one another is the first step in narrowing our concern for others.

As I reflect on the connection of all this to wellness, the focus of this column, I am aware that a foundation of my wellness is acknowledging my deep inter-dependency with all people and with all of creation. When I fail to recognize this interconnectedness with others, I am prone to narrow my concern for others to those closest to me and, at worst, to ignore or even hurt others because of the “optical delusion” of separateness. Certainly, COVID, and our response to it, has been a vivid reminder of just how interconnected we are with one another. 

While acknowledging that I am now channeling my inner John Lennon, I close with this question: Imagine if we were to live and treat one another and all of creation as if we are indeed part of an interconnected web of life? What if we were to awaken from the “optical delusion” of separateness and widen the circles of compassion to include all with whom we are inter-dependent?

Yes, you may say I’m a dreamer, but I hope I’m not the only one.  

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Changing Our Routines

Changing Our Routines

Our five-year-old grandson has recently been taught all the safety procedures needed to operate their family’s small electric lawnmower, and to say he is proud is quite an understatement. On a recent visit to our house, he wanted to show off his new electric mower abilities. 

An adult needs to walk with him when he operates the mower, so I was delighted to volunteer. We got the mower in place in the backyard, and just before we started it, I explained to him the "right" way to cut the grass. I explained that I go around the yard's perimeter first and then gradually work my way in with each successive pass. He cast a look of disbelief my way and then said, “Pops, that's boring, and besides, that's not how I do it. I just go wherever I feel like going.” And with that, he started the mower and was off. My backyard currently is about one-third mowed in the most creative, random pattern you can possibly imagine. By the look on his face, along with his shrieks of delight, I must say he seemed to be having a lot more fun cutting the lawn than I ever do. (You can see a sample of how our backyard currently looks in the photo quote box above as the background for that is a photo I took today).

I have resisted my urge to go and finish mowing the backyard “correctly,” and so it is currently serving as a reminder that sometimes a person just needs to shake up their habitual ways of doing things. It’s not that routines aren’t necessary. But we all know that sometimes routines can turn into ruts. Individuals, relationships, and organizations can lose imagination and passion when they become so beholden to established patterns that limit their ability to see new and creative ways of doing things.  

In my counseling and coaching work, it is not uncommon for me to hear comments such as, “We've never done it that way before,” and “We don’t go there—that’s just not something we talk about.” Unconscious rules often govern individuals and relationships, and the role of counseling is often to raise those unconscious rules into awareness so that they can be re-examined. When this happens, people may discover that maybe it's okay to be more assertive, or perhaps it's okay to address conflict more directly, or maybe it's okay to try new and creative ways of doing things. And perhaps it is even okay to set different boundaries and say “no” more often.

And, now I'm going way outside my comfort zone here…, but maybe, just maybe, it’s okay for me to try a whole new approach to how I mow my yard.  

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