A Generous Soul

A Generous Soul

Last week I wrote about practicing generosity, and I was delighted to hear from so many of you who announced that you are joining me on upping your game when it comes to this essential character trait. Several of you commented on a variety of ways you wanted to be more generous, such as giving to charity, volunteering, and caring for someone close to you who is in need. Many of you talked about having an overall desire to be more "generous in spirit." 

    The phrase "generous in spirit" reminds us that first and foremost generosity is both grounded in and is an expression of, our spiritual well-being. It is unusual to meet a generous person who does not have a great level of spiritual maturity, as generosity is rooted in the soul, not the ego. This is why we often hear a benevolent person described as being such a "generous soul." 

   Generosity is expansive while its opposites, selfishness and stinginess, are constricting. I watched some of President George H.W. Bush's funeral this week, and there was one particular line from one of the many touching eulogies that jumped out at me, as it made this same point. Bush's longtime friend former senator Alan Simpson said, "Hatred corrodes the container it is carried in," What is true of hatred, is also true of stinginess and selfishness.

   We find an excellent example of this in a favorite story often told this time of year, The Christmas Carol. The story reminds us what stinginess does to the container it is carried in. Scrooge's stinginess has so corroded his soul, his container, that it requires three visitors from the world of spirits to provoke his spiritual transformation. 

  It's not just hatred or the extreme stinginess of Scrooge that corrodes one's soul. Holding on to grudges, resentments, criticism, anger, and self-righteousness for any length of time can also have the same effect. These negative habits are the opposite of what comes to mind when we think of being "generous in spirit." 

  The holiday season provides a unique opportunity for us to release grudges and criticism as we often come in closer than usual contact with family, friends, and neighbors. Thus, I can't think of a better time of year to enhance our generosity of spirit towards others.

  When we are willing to let go of any "stinginess of spirit" we may have within us, we will find that not only are we giving a spiritual gift to others, but that we are also giving a gift to ourselves, as our souls inevitably become more expansive and generous as well. 

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Are You A Generous Person?

Are You A Generous Person?

I begin with a question, an invitation to some honest self-reflection: Are you a generous person? Asking this same question of myself, I find it a hard question to answer accurately. I so much want to be a generous person, and because I do, I am tempted to distort my answer to reflect more positively than the facts may otherwise prove. So pausing for a few moments to give a more accurate answer I can say without question that, "Yes, I am indeed a generous person... sometimes."  

   The season of Advent, a season observed by many Christians, begins this Sunday and continues through Christmas Day. Like my simple opening question, the season of Advent is an invitation to some honest self-reflection. I find that this period of self-reflection is something that happens naturally for most of us this time of year, regardless of our faith (or no faith) tradition. The holiday season, along with the closing of another year in our lives, gives us the opportunity to pause and reflect a little more deeply on our lives.  

   This year our Living Compass Wellness Initiative will bring together my opening question about generosity with the season of Advent. Each Advent we create a booklet of daily readings around a particular wellness theme and this year's theme is, "Practicing Generosity With All Your Heart, Soul, Strength, and Mind." We have already distributed 25,000 printed booklets. While it is too late to get one of those, we are offering the daily readings from the booklets via email. You can use the link below to sign up.

   I find that when I am at a beginner's level skill in something, the one way I can always get better at it, is by practicing. This is true of playing the piano, speaking Spanish, dribbling a soccer ball, baking pies, learning Photoshop, fly fishing, and yes, even being generous. I usually get better at the things I commit to practicing. 

   This time of year provides countless opportunities for us to practice generosity-with our time, our money, our gifts and talents, our volunteering, and our presence to others. In light of this, I have personally set an intention for myself to do two things each day between now and Christmas. The first is to reflect and learn more about what it truly means to practice generosity, and second, to practicing generosity by doing something generous each day for someone. 

   As already mentioned, I so much want to be a generous person--not just sometimes, but most of the time. I am hoping some good practice over the next month will help move me toward my goal.  

   I invite you to join me in my commitment to practicing generosity this holiday season.

   To sign up for the daily Advent emails on Practicing Generosity, click HERE.

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Let the Gratefulness Overflow Into Blessing All Around You

Let the Gratefulness Overflow Into Blessing All Around You 

I am sending out the Weekly Words of Wellness column two days early this week in honor of Thanksgiving. In this column, I reference a video that I have shared before, one that always softens my heart and reminds me of the importance of being grateful for the things I too easily take for granted.  

     The title for this column comes from one of the most beautiful videos I have ever seen. The focus of the video is nature, love, and gratitude, and it is an excerpt from a longer TED talk. Watching and reflecting on this video seems like a powerful way to prepare for the celebration of Thanksgiving. You might even want to share the video when you gather with family and friends over the next few days. 

     The video brings the stunning time-lapse photography of award-winning filmmaker Louie Schwartzberg together with words written and spoken by a Benedictine monk named Brother David Steindl-Rast. Brother David invites us to pay attention, really pay attention to the simple gifts and blessings of life that can be so easily overlooked. He points out that paying attention to the wonder of nature and the wonder of the people we encounter in our lives is the basis for authentic love and gratitude. I could not agree more. 

The link to the video can be found HERE. You will not regret investing the five minutes it takes to watch.

     If you want to read along as Brother David speaks, the text for his words follows:

You think that this is just another day in your life... It's not just another day. It's the one day that is given to you - today... It's given to you. It's a gift. It's the only gift that you have right now... ...and the only appropriate response is gratefulness. 

     If you do nothing else but to cultivate that response to the great gift that this unique day is... If you learn to respond as if it were the first day in your life and the very last day then you will have spent this day very well. 

     Begin by opening your eyes, and be surprised that you have eyes you can open. That incredible array of colors that is constantly offered to us for our pure enjoyment. Look at the sky. We so rarely look at the sky. We so rarely note how different it is from moment to moment, with clouds coming and going. We just think of the weather, and even with the weather we don't think of all the many nuances of weather... We just think of "good weather" and "bad weather." 

     This day, right now, with its unique weather, maybe a kind that will never exactly in that form come again. The formation of clouds in the sky will never be the same as it is right now. 

     Open your eyes. Look at that. 

     Look at the faces of people whom you meet. Each one has an incredible story behind their face, a story that you could never fully fathom. Not only their own story, but the story of their ancestors. We all go back so far... 

     And in this present moment on this day, all the people you meet, all that life from generations and from so many places all over the world flows together and meets you here like a life-giving water if you only open your heart and drink. 

     Open your heart to the incredible gifts that civilization gives to us. You flip a switch, and there is electric light. You turn a faucet, and there is warm water, and cold water, and drinkable water... a gift that millions and millions in the world will never experience. 

     So these are just a few of an enormous number of gifts to which you can open your heart. 

     And so I am wishing you will open your heart to all these blessings and let them flow through you. That everyone you will meet on this day will be blessed by you, just by your eyes, by your smile, by your touch, just by your presence. 

     Let the gratefulness overflow into blessing all around you. Then it will really be a good day. 

May your gratefulness overflow into blessing all around you indeed.  Happy Thanksgiving from all of us at Living Compass.

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Holidays and Traffic Signs

Holidays and Traffic Signs

Several people have shared with me in the last twenty-four hours that they are already stressing about the holidays. One person said they wished they could wake up tomorrow and it would be January 1st and the holidays would be behind them. The holidays can indeed be a stressful time, and so a little psychological and spiritual preparation can go a long way to making them a more pleasant experience.  

I have made several roads trips recently for work, and I have found some wisdom that might help with holiday stress in a rather unlikely source—road construction signs. My favorite one so far is, “Stay alert! Traffic pattern changed ahead.” True to the sign, the lanes on the interstate had shifted due to construction, and because it was a road I drive frequently, the sign was helpful in alerting me to the changed conditions.  

This sign is excellent advice for the holidays, a time when we are faced with the reality that the patterns in our families may have naturally and predictably shifted over time. Grief and loss are not uncommon during the holidays as we can’t help but realize that things are different than they used to be. Previous patterns around the holidays have changed, and the old familiar roads look different now. 

Another sign I saw was, “Major delays ahead—Alternate Routes Suggested.” Sometimes we just need to be flexible and be open to taking a different route. If we have young children, or even a teenager, in the family we will have to do things differently than we did a few years ago. We will have to adjust accordingly, taking “a new route” to help everyone have fun and enjoy being together. 

“Construction traffic may be entering ahead, be ready to yield,” is another sign I saw that can be helpful wisdom for the holidays. The ability to be flexible and to be able to yield will always serve us well, but especially so this time of year. And something that will help us to be able to yield is the advice seen when approaching any road construction area—“Slow down.” I am convinced that one of the reasons we speed our lives up this time of year, sometimes to the point of exhaustion, is because we are doing so to speed through or around whatever grief, sadness, or uncomfortable feelings we might be experiencing.  

A road sign that is always a welcome sight for our tired eyes is the one that tells us there is a rest area or oasis a few miles ahead. We are wise to not only slow down during the holidays, but actually create time and space to stop, breathe, pray, meditate, and recharge on a regular basis. 

A little preparation will always make a road trip more enjoyable, and the same is true for the holiday season. Doing so means we will have a much better chance of adjusting to any changes we may encounter so that we are more able to enjoy this most special time of year. 

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What Is, Is Change

What Is, Is Change 

The title for this column is from a quote by writer and naturalist Edwin Way Teale seen above. It is worth noting that the last part of Teale’s quote, “What was, is not, and never again will be; what is, is change,” was written soon after his son died serving in World War II. After his death, Teale and his wife Nellie traveled over 75,000 miles by automobile between 1945 and 1966 to observe and chronicle the changing of the seasons all across America. He is best known for his series of books entitled “The American Seasons,” and won the Pulitzer Prize for general non-fiction in 1966.  

There is a tension in autumn between the beauty we observe and the tinge of anxiety we feel that things are changing rapidly, that indeed time is speeding up. The leaves that were still green just a week ago are brilliant reds and yellows today. The leaves that were a mix of vibrant reds and yellows last week are gone today. Autumn reminds us that change is the norm in life, but it also reminds us of the beauty that can be experienced in the midst of change. We have numerous opportunities this time of year to practice living and being in the present moment. Yet the changing seasons remind us that our own lives are marked by seasons of change as well. 

Nothing affects our emotional, spiritual, and relational wellness more than how well we negotiate significant changes. As a therapist, I have over the years had the honor of working with many people who were or are in the midst of a profound change. One thing I have found that is beneficial for them is to be able to affirm and hold on to the things in their lives that they see as not changing. I always ask, “What can you affirm and hold on to as changeless in the midst of the many changes you are now experiencing?” Each person answers differently, but the most common responses are such things as love, God, their soul, and their core beliefs and values.  

Autumn reveals how suddenly the world around us can change, and yet at the same time, it shows the incredible beauty that exists for us to behold in the moment. It is so easy for us to miss this beauty though if we instead spend our energies worrying about what is to come. Just yesterday I was commenting to someone about how beautiful the colors were this year, and all they could say was, “I dread seeing the leaves turn because I know soon I’ll be cursing the winter snow and cold that is coming.” It’s a challenge for all of us to find and celebrate the moments of beauty that are right in front of us, even though we are keenly aware that they will not last forever.  

As the leaves rapidly drop from the trees, time indeed seems “speeded up.” Autumn is just about over. Before it is through though, be sure to pause and enjoy both its beauty and some of the life lessons it can teach us. 

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